This is Marcia B.
46. 12 ways to say no gracefully: horizontal with the co-founder of cuddle party
horizontal is the podcast of intimacies that’s recorded while lying down. In this episode, I get the opposite of vertical with Marcia B., co-founder of Cuddle Party, creator of The Good Girl Recovery Program, and co-leader of weekend intensives like “Make Hot Play Happen” and “The Wanted Man,” that teach humans to have more fun, deeper connections, and hotter sex.
horizontal is the podcast of intimacies that’s recorded while lying down.
In this episode, I get the opposite of vertical with Marcia B., co-founder of Cuddle Party and creator of The Good Girl Recovery Program.
She is the co-leader of weekend intensives like “Make Hot Play Happen” and “The Wanted Man,” that teach humans to have more fun, deeper connections, and hotter sex. Her co-teacher for these weekends is Midori, the renowned sex educator and doyenne of Japanese bondage.
Marcia is an educator, a writer, a wild-permission giver, a generator of joy. She’s funny and warm and lovely and clear.
Marcia is a boundary expert, and the set of rules that she co-created for Cuddle Party have inspired a legion of hosts, including pretty much everyone who hosts an event at Hacienda Studio — the event space housed in Hacienda Villa, the community I live in.
The Cuddle Party rules are so good, so simple and yet so profound, that I am compelled to share them here:
- Pajamas stay on the whole time.
- You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.
- You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone. (Be as specific in your request as you can.)
- If you’re a yes, say YES. If you’re a no, say NO.
- If you’re a maybe, say NO.
- You are encouraged to change your mind.
- Respect your relationship agreements and communicate with your partner.
- Get your Cuddle Party Facilitator or the Cuddle Assistant if you have a question or concern or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party.
- Tears and laughter are both welcome.
- Respect people’s privacy when sharing about Cuddle Parties.
- Keep the Cuddle space tidy
We got horizontal in Kensington, California (Marcia says that I should say Berkeley, because even people from the Bay Area don’t seem to know that there is a Kensington).
My San Francisco stop was right in the middle of my horizontal does america cross-country road trip tour. For synchronicitous stories and pretty pictures, sign up for the missives here on horizontalwithlila.com!
We are in Marcia’s “Room of Requirement,” a designation borrowed from the world of Harry Potter (which I loooove. I used to re-read all the books every year, for comfort). It’s a space that converts into whatever the seeker needs it for most at the most pressing moment, if they know where to find it.
Marcia’s Room of Requirement is a sometime office, sometime guest room, often living room, occasional Cuddle Party space… you get the picture. It’s exactly the opposite of an austere apartment where you feel like you probably shouldn’t touch anything or sit down.
In Marcia’s house, you should plop down straightaway. Purrrfect for getting horizontal.
Marcia and her poufy unicorn. Uni-pig? Uni-dragon-pig? Who can say. horizontal in Berkeley, CA. November 2017
In this first part of our conversation, we talk about:
- Marcia’s coming of age during the AIDS crisis
- the some/many/most model of sex information
- boundaries boundaries boundaries
- the abnormality of “average”
- saying no gracefully and…
- asking for what you want.
On next week’s episode, the second part of our conversation, Marcia and I discuss:
- the dog/cat/bird model of play party personalities
- touch deprivation
- what is “queer enough”
- bi-erasure
- constellations
- poly pods
- the post-nuclear family
- and what happens when. you can’t say no
For access to episode 47. if you can’t say no, your yes is worthless:
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horizontal with Marcia B. in Berkeley, CA. November 2017
Now, dear ones, come lie down with us in Berkeley, California.
46. 12 ways to say no gracefully: horizontal with the co-founder of cuddle party
horizontal is the podcast of intimacies that’s recorded while lying down. In this episode, I get the opposite of vertical with Marcia B., co-founder of Cuddle Party, creator of The Good Girl Recovery Program, and co-leader of weekend intensives like “Make Hot Play Happen” and “The Wanted Man,” that teach humans to have more fun, deeper connections, and hotter sex.
