One of my preferred tools. (And: Your eyes do not deceive you: that is indeed a snowsuit fit for a mermaid.)
Ep 8.8 Praise to the Power of the Post Orgasmic Chill
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Above: Digital evidence of my interview on Relationship Fun & Games: Fights Clean, Sex Dirty TV with Gabrielle & Raj Sundra.
Feed each other delicious things with tiiiiiiny spoons!
At the Sundra wedding, a toast was given. Marriage advice. “You’ve gotta keep the fights clean and the sex dirty!” So that’s what their show is about: how. How to keep the fights clean and the sex dirty in romantic relationships.
Fights clean as in: fighting fair, communicating properly, and warding off the four horseman: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling. Sex dirty as in: well, let’s put it this way:
I sent this video to my mom, because I don’t tend to share much of my work with her these days and I thought she’d like to see me “on-camera” doing a live interview for the first time.
She wrote back in an email with the subject line, “did not understand all.” It read:
“Lila, I used the link and watched all I could. Several pictures and words. I don’t understand — how to keep sex-dirty after. POST. Why are you writing — sex dirty. Why dirty? Can you explain that to me? Or maybe we can talk sometime about it.”
Showering before sex is my favorite. And after, too. Showers in general are just great.
If you’ve listened to horizontal, you probably already know that my mom gave me a pleasure-positive sex education. When she discovered my curiosity at a young age, she made it very clear to me that sex is not dirty. “Sex is something that people who love each other do,” she said then.
So I can see how she might be bewildered that I grew up to give tips on how to keep sex “dirty.”
Here’s my attempt at an explanation:
“That’s the name of the show: ‘Fights clean, sex dirty TV.’ It’s a little bit of a joke. At Gabrielle & Raj’s wedding, someone gave a toast and that is what they said, as marriage advice, ‘You’ve got to keep the fights clean and the sexy dirty.’ Fights clean, as in: fight fair, talk about things directly, etc. Sex dirty as in: keep experimenting and surprising each other, don’t fall into a routine, etc. They don’t mean dirty literally or as a negative judgment. They are using the word as a tongue-in-cheek way to say: Keep the sex passionate. Make sense?
She hasn’t written back yet.
Soooo, anyway! Naturally, Gaby & Raj divide their show up into two parts. And then they further divide both Fights Clean & Sex Dirty into three more parts: Before, During, and After. I was tasked with “how to keep the sex dirty” after. One of my favorite topics!
This gave me the opportunity to recommend / praise so many people and products that are important to me. Such as:
- Kenneth Play‘s date protocol and genital cradling practice
- Tribal Markers body painting pens
- my favorite scrubby gloves (drug stores everywhere!)
- coconut oil (oh, how I love thee)
- Primal Derma – a salve made by my friend, which works beautifully as a massage cream (Tiana says I’ve got to get a better pitch for it. I’ll work on it, Matt!)
- Gravitas (my favorite game)
And…
This is the most fabulous iteration of a Wartenberg wheel in all the land. Made by Unbound.
(I feature their pinwheel prominently in this video, and in my life!)
I hope at least one or two of the 20-ish suggestions in this video will excite and arouse you [and your partner(s)]!
Perhaps …
Report back…?
This is what I said to my lover the other day.
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