This is Orion & Tiana at 14 Rooms, the intimate, immersive Valentine’s experience I curated at Hacienda Villa. February 14th, 2019
78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks: horizontal with a kinky poly couple (1 of 4)
My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. I’ve metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s consensual eavesdropping.
Tiana: I never knew my parents together. They separated when I was maybe 1 or 2 years old.
Orion: Same.
*
Lila: What were the lessons that you learned about relationships from witnessing your parents, on the other end of the Greyhound bus, or when they were together, this, kind of fractious interaction?
Tiana: I think it’s affected my want or need for children, mostly. I think that’s always kind of been there, and then when I was like— well I never really thought I’d get married, either, so it was like, Oh, not really gonna get married, so I probably won’t have children. And I was like, okay with that. […] As like a little kid, as like a teenager.
Lila: I’m not gonna get married because, I’m not into that, or Marriage doesn’t look so good, or Marriage always breaks up or—
Tiana: All of that. All of the above. Marriage will eventually fall apart, how can you commit to someone for the rest of your life. I didn’t really believe in soulmates; I thought that was a joke. […] I never really saw me being so in love with someone that I could commit to them for the rest of my life. Until I was with someone, and then I looked up, and I was like, Hey, we’ve been together 5 years. That’s been fun. Let’s just keep going! Why not! Let’s just, let’s do the rest of our lives! This has been fun; it’s been like the blink of an eye! So let’s— the rest of our lives will keep being like this! And they were not. And that was its own interesting lesson. I mainly learned that I didn’t speak up for myself, and I have much better communication tools and skills than before, in my past relationship. And in my marriage.
*
Tiana: He was really desperate, for my attention, and to have like the power. To have all the control. And luckily, I was in a position where I did not have to do any of that. And it totally backfired on him. And then he had a lawyer […] email me and said he wanted to file for divorce.
Lila: Could he just not stand you being so free?
Tiana: Possibly. But he had the same freedom, so it wasn’t like I was denying him—
Lila & Tiana: Anything.
Tiana: Yeah, I was encouraging. I only want the best for him, and— And he enjoyed being poly! That’s the other thing I have to emphasize. Some people are like, “Oh, well you opened up your marriage. Of course, that’s why it fell apart.” And I was like, “No, it actually helped our marriage for like this bit.” We had better communication between each other; we had a newfound love, you know, for each other, we liked watching each other fall in love. That was actually really really sweet and amazing, to like, watch him falling in love with his girlfriend, and then like, him watching me fall in love with my boyfriend, and us gushing about (giggling) our lovers to each other! Like that was actually super hot, and one of the things that would be foreplay for us would be like, talk about our dates, after we came home, and then have crazy sex. It was like, really amazing, and I was like, Oh my God, yes! Hashtag: poly life, all the way! But that’s how I feel like, I can continue to do it now, is because I know that it has its good moments, like, I’ve seen it, I was there, I’ve lived it, I’ve breathed it. And I know how to do it better now? Or at least be in a position where I don’t make the same mistakes, where it can blow up in my face, and I hurt myself, and I hurt the people around me.
My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. I’ve metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s consensual eavesdropping. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time, but Season 3 will be mostly comprised of threesomes: myself plus two guests who are in some kind of relationship with one another.
Typically, each conversation is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons. But this episode is something truly remarkable. We recorded for over five hours, and we went both broad and deep.
I’ll be dividing this conversation into four parts: the first two, episodes 78 & 79, will be available in all the podcast places, and the last two 80 & 81, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.
At the base tier of $10/month, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos (or in this case, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips and a love poem.
In this and the following 3 episodes, I lie down with two of the people I love most in the world, Tiana and Orion.
Sandwiched between Orion & Tiana at 14 Rooms, after they gave 4-handed massages for hours on end!
I’ve known Orion for 13 years, and Tiana for 1. They are: my people. I cherish them. With great regard. I believe in them. I believe in them like a good parent believes in their kids. I see them.
An Orion in his natural habitat (giving massage). Captured at the horizontal storytelling pajama party by Valerie Zimmer Photography. February 2018
Orion is a massage therapist, a father, a personal trainer, a polysaturated lover, and a newly-minted kink educator.
Orion and I met at the very beginning of my yoga teaching career. We worked at the same gym. I knew him when he had dreads. I knew him when he was married. I knew him when he became a father.
For many years, we saw each other every single week — I’d teach him a private yoga class, and he would give me a massage, and we would tell each other all about our lives. He is one of the most over-scheduled people I have ever known, but he always always made time for me.
It was therapeutic in so many ways.
He healed my body when I was training acrobatics.
He made space for my moods and did not judge my depressions.
He knew of every heartbreak, every abandoned project, every new desire, all the plans and all the schemes.
He was a primary confidant.
He is firmly in my corner.
This is Tiana. Isn’t she glory! I am proud to have taken this shot on my birthday trip to NOLA. October 2018
Tiana is the glittersaurus: the sparkliest, most fabulous human I have ever personally known and loved.
She is an entrepreneur with a pet-care business, a professional dominatrix, a model and a stylist for fun, a craft-er, and not for nothin’, one of the most gorgeous women that exists. She is so beautiful, and yet focuses so little on the physical beauty of her lovers, that I joke that she’s like Fleur from Harry Potter: “I am beautiful enough for ze both of us!”
She has singlehandedly inspired me to live into the Burning Man principle of radical self-expression with the way I present myself every single day.
Glittered with Tiana on a trip to Colorado. April 2018
I think some people might be surprised that before a year ago, I wasn’t fully self-expressed with my clothing. But I wasn’t. I was always concerned about being “too.” “Too too.”
But Tiana, because of her willingness to be gloriously bold, to tolerate the attention that that brings (and it brings all kinds), and to go larger, bigger, shinier when she feels challenged, not LESS, she unlocked that for me, and I am so grateful.
Evidence of their playfulness: Tiana engages with Orion during an intimacy game called The Touch Gauntlet. Image by Valerie Zimmer Photography. March 2018
Tiana and Orion are polyamorous, which means they have many loves, and they are primary partners, which means that they prioritize their connection, even though they are linked romantically and/or sexually to multiple other partners and lovers and romantic friends.
In this episode, Tiana, Orion, and I talk about:
natural musk
her parent’s divorce
commuting between the two households
what Tiana & Orion’s parents have in common
face-sitting on teddy bears
first inklings of exhibitionism
being a good girl, then fucking til you die
Tiana meeting her husband in middle school
the story of her marriage
a tip for good anal play
the taint
camming on Chaturbate
looking for threesomes on Feeld
Tiana’s first polycule and first triad
and
how her ex ended their marriage by wiping out their accounts.
And this is just the first quarter of our conversation. (!)
Come lie down with us, in the Bronx.
horizontal with Tiana & Orion, beneath a glorious kimono, at Orion’s bachelor pad. The Bronx, New York.
Links to things:
Become a patron of the horizontal arts! Become a Patron!
Tiana’s glittersaurus Instagram
Orion’s orionstarbreeze Instagram
Tiana’s New York City pet care business: PawPrints NYC
Chaturbate, the camming site Tiana experimented with
Feeld, the threesome app Tiana used in her early poly exploration
78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks: horizontal with a kinky poly couple (1 of 4)
My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. I’ve metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s consensual eavesdropping.
