This is Dan. This is Dannielle.
To listen to this episode, click the sassy redhead on the peach background, and become a patron of the horizontal arts…
Dan: When I got adopted by my Dad, we were in court and they were like ‘Okay, well you two obviously love each other and we have this signed documentation, so congrats, you’re now a family,” and we looked at each other. ‘Cause we’re both on opposite sides, like we’re against each other, but we’re trying to get adopted to each other, I don’t know. The justice system is so fuckin’ weird. Anyway. So we look at each other and we both cry a little bit, and that moment to me is where I was like, Oh: This is my family. I don’t feel any attachment to the people in my life who are, what, technically blood-related, but don’t wanna support me, never stood up for me, let me live with someone abusive — that’s not my family. My family is my Dad. My family is Jimanekia. My family is my girlfriend. My family is something so different from what… everyone kind of forces you to believe your family is. And when I was Googling What to do if you need to leave an alcoholic partner, What to do if a bipolar partner, and everything was like You have to leave; You have to take care of yourself. And then when I looked it up for parent, it was like, Well they’re your family. So you just have to stick it out. And that’s kind of when I was like, Oh, so I guess I’ll be writing about this then.
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Lila: People in the sex-positive community throw around the term chosen family a lot. But I still think it’s a really beautiful term. When I think about it, it fills me to think, “Ah yeah. These are the people that I choose to be my family.”
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Jim: For this year, I was only dating on referrals. And that’s how I got my partner that I met in July: their partner was like, “Date my husband!” And I was like, “What?” “Date my husband; He would love to go out with you!” and we went out on one date and that was it.
Lila: Kenneth says “Referral sex is the best sex.”
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Lila: Most young people don’t know how to have a conversation. And have actually never heard an intimate conversation, that wasn’t scripted. That wasn’t fake. And are so unwilling to be uncomfortable, or to be in a situation that is awkward, which is so much of learning, and learning how to interact, and relationship practice and meeting people. You know, there are always going to be the awkwardnesses and the discomforts, and the unwillingness is keeping them so isolated and I wanted to be able to share this— the fact that I have access to the kind of conversation that we’re having right now, all the time. Every day. Of my life. Means I am incredibly lucky. And I want to be able to share that. Give people the opportunity to see what different models of intimacy might sound like. And because we talk about things so openly, and kind of, try to chip at the shame by being so open, people do learn. There’s a lot to be learned from other people’s life experience.
O patrons my patrons, this is your first exclusive episode of Season 3, part two of my conversation with Dan and Jimanekia.
This is Dan & Jim.
In episode 74. trauma queens: horizontal with a manager and her / his client, we all told a version of our origin stories. Trauma was laced throughout our tales in various forms, some of which were: divorce, loneliness, self-loathing, and molestation in mine, poverty, alcoholism, emotional abuse, gaslighting, and PTSD in Dan’s, culture shock, racism, death, and sexual assault in Jim’s.
We developed superpowers of humor, empathy, nurturing, activism, and self-care. We all aim to make public the conversations that we want others to have access to.
In this episode, we tell some Comma And additions to our stories, formative experiences and salient details. We discuss generational trauma, what family means to us, the working relationship embedded in their friendship, and the friendship embedded in their manager/client relationship.
We also discuss how they met, what they do together to get Jimanekia’s work as a Trauma Specialist, Sex Educator, and Queer Consultant out into the world, Jimanekia’s podcast Trauma Queen, and Dan’s gender-neutral clothing brand & inclusive marketplace Ra-DEE-mo.
(Oops! I pronounced it Radimo in the first episode… I thought it was so-called because the brand is so… Rad. Apologies Dan!)
Jimanekia’s website is Traumaqueen.love, and you can find her on Instagram and Twitter as @jimanekia
This is Jimanekia.
Jimanekia currently has a collaboration going with Kink Kit for Sexual Assault awareness month. It’s the Healing kink kit, a collection of sensual tools curated Jimanekia: Healing Queen.
Dan is findable on Instagram as @boygodking, spelled in the usual ways, and Radimo’s fashion is lusciously-modeled and available for purchase on the website Radimo.LA
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A bit of news for you, my patrons:
I am hosting my first ever horizontal slumber party on April 27th, in collaboration with my dear friend Jillian of The Joy List.
The Joy List is a weekly compendium of events in New York (and soon, several other cities across the U.S.) that you can go to by yourself and leave with a friend. Definitely sign up for it on joylist.nyc
It is the only newsletter that I read every week, without fail. Jillian and I share a mission to make the planet less lonely and more connected. We are force multipliers for each other. And now we bring you our first event!
horizontal with lila & The Joy List present…
[not a sex party]
When: Saturday April 27th, 2019
Where: Hacienda Studio. Bushwick, Brooklyn. Address revealed upon ticket purchase, bb
How: $100 (includes snax, sensation play, sound meditation, connection games, access to giant teddy bear, surprises, & breakfast)
With whom: Come with others or come alone!
Take my money: TICKETS HERE
Happy feet at the horizontal storytelling pajama party. Image by Valerie Zimmer Photography. February 2018
This sleepover has limited capacity, and so much to offer!
And now, come lie down with us again in Los Angeles, California.
horizontal with Dan & Jim in Los Angeles, CA. horizontal does america, November 2017
Links to Things:
Become a patron of the horizontal arts and get grandfathered in with access to The Full Horizontal (all the episodes, including THIS ONE and all the other part twos)
Jimanekia’s podcast, Trauma Queen
Jimanekia on the Twitter, and the Gram
Dan’s gender-fluid clothing label & inclusive marketplace, Radimo.LA …
Pre-order Dan’s memoir From One Cult to the Next, about (paraphrasing) how they gathered the strength to leave abusive / toxic relationships, and the process by which they learned to accept true love. I WANT TO READ THIS.
Episodes with other Dan Owens Management clients:
24: booty revolution: horizontal with a youtube star with Meghan Tonjes
25: sex-ish: horizontal with a body-positive role model with Meghan Tonjes
42: nipple orgasms: horizontalwith a lesbian sexpert with Stevie Boebi
43: the unicorn threesome: horizontal with a pussy educator with Stevie Boebi
Co-Dependents Anonymous, a 12-step group that Lila attended for a year
Hacienda Villa, the sex-positive intentional community where Lila lives. She is a founding member.
Transcript:
Due to the generosity of to two lovely patrons, this episode has a transcript! THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH.
Jimanekia: But that’s how I got here. Like literally like trial and error, and stepping out of my comfort zone and allowing people to love me. Because it’s been a long time of like not trusting myself and being like I don’t really know anything they are like You know all the things I’m like I don’t know anything and then dating people that were shitty and now I have the most amazing relationships being polyamorous, like figuring out what that means to me. Like one of my partners have been together for two years; my girlfriend and I’ve been together for a year and a half; I have a new partner we have been together since July and it’s like, and I have amazing friends that just love me and believe in me cause sometimes when you’re days are rough you need someone else to be like you no you got it!
Dan: Yeah.
Lila: Mhmm.
Dan: Yeah.
Jimanekia: Like you have all these things. I’ll talk to my best friends, and I’ll be like, I don’t do anything and they’ll be like You ready? Let me just tell you about all the things you’ve been doing.
Dan: Yeah.
Jimanekia: Oh my god, I sound fun! they’re like See bitch? I’m like, Oh!
Dan: Yeah.
Jimanekia: But it’s, It’s been trial and error and we try new things everyday, and I’m so thankful. I always say like, I really hope that I’m, you know, showing my mother the love and the respect and, people that knew my mom were like: She is so proud of you, and they’re like she would be in awe of you like, she wouldn’t even understand, but she would know how amazing you are, and I’d be like (sighs) Ok ok ok ok. So that’s my origin story.
Lila: Mmmm.
Dan: Wow.
Lila: Thank you, I…
Jimanekia: Can I take a nap now?
Lila: I really resonate with that desire to educate without teaching.
Jimanekia & Dan: Mhmm.
Lila: I wanted this, right, because I feel like most young people actually don’t know how to have a conversation (Jimanekia mhmms) and have never heard an intimate conversation that wasn’t scripted, that wasn’t fake.
Jimanekia & Dan: Mhmm.
Lila: And are so unwilling to be uncomfortable or to be in a situation that is awkward, which is so much of learning.
Jimanekia: Mhmm.
Lila: And learning how to interact and relationship practice and meeting people you know there are always going to be the awkwardnesses and discomforts, and the unwillingness is keeping them so isolated and I wanted to be able to share the fact that I have access to these kinds of conversations that we’re having today, all the time.
Jimanekia: Mhmmm.
Lila: Every day of my life. Means that I am incredibly lucky.
Jimanekia: Mhmm.
Lila: And I want to be able to share that, give people the opportunity to see what different models of intimacy might sound like.
Dan: Yeah.
Lila: Because we talk about things super openly, and kind of try to chip at the shame by being so open.
Jimanekia: Mhmmm, normalize it.
Lila: People do learn there is a lot to be learned from people, other people’s life experience, just as anybody who goes to a 12 step meeting, like I went to Co-Dependents Anonymous for a year—
Jimanekia: CoDA, I love CoDA.
Lila: I learned so much just by hearing people talk about their experience. Not because they were trying to teach me or tell me what to do with my life—
Jimanekia: Mhmmm.
Lila: —because they were talking about their own experience of unraveling things and having revelations—
Jimanekia: Mhmmm.
Lila: And then you know you take it and you— you’re constantly relating it to your own, like feeding it into your own life story and seeing what, and there’s always take what you can use and leave the rest, right?
Jimanekia: Mhmm.
Lila: And, and you do that, so that you’re you’re essentially educating yourself.
Dan: Yeah.
Lila: By taking in the the information. So that’s what I wanted to do. I realize you two, you told your origin story so well, I’d actually never done it like this before.
Dan: Oh really?
Lila: So I’ve never told my own origin story before.
Dan: Oh nice.
Lila: And I realized I left out some things that are super super important now that you’ve connected it so—
Dan: I know I have like—
Lila: …well to your superpowers.
Dan: Yeah I have like, I have like more that came up for me too. I’m like let’s just keep gabbing all night.
Jimanekia: Dan always wants to have a comment and be like Okay, there’s more.
Dan: Yeah!
Lila: Aah.
Dan: Yeah seriously.
Lila: Well, let’s do it. Let’s do the more because I think it’s, I think it’s really important— when I did, when I hosted check-ins at my house, at my, I live in a sex positive intentional community.
Jimanekia: Oh do you?
Lila: Mhmm, called Hacienda Villa and—
Jimanekia: I’ve heard of them.
Lila: —for six months, really?
Jimanekia: Mhmm.
Lila: Oh cool! For six months we got together every week and we just shared what we wanted other people to know, because living in New York we’re just (Lila makes whizzing past each other sounds) fft fft fft fft fft fft!
Dan: Right.
Lila: In and out and we might not even know what’s going on with the person literally, who is next door to us, literally one door opens turn right and there’s another door and you might not know what’s going on with them, unless we carve out some time, and I loved it. We would go around and share, first we did it with uh, a timer and we each person got like five minutes and they got a one minute warning, or if we had very few people then everybody got seven minutes. And then we started doing a round-robin and we did a round-robin because like what just what happened with us when somebody else tells you’re like Oooh I forgot to say that thing about my mom this week
Dan: Yes.
Lila: —and you know I, or whatever you know like oh my partner du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-duh or I had this realization and so we would do one minute round-robin (Jimanekia mhmms) so that you would always got to come back and and if you were inspired by something somebody else said, you got the chance to—
Jimanekia: Yes.
Dan: That’s how our management—
Lila: So— (Jimanekia laughs)
Dan: — meetings go too. It’s always 50% work, 50% shit talking, and it’s like— (Lila laughs)
Jimanekia: It’s so good for us— it’s really good. You come up with so much good stuff.
Dan: But it’s like uhhh—
Lila: Isn’t shit talking about other people?
Dan: I call shit talking just like—
Jimanekia: Not necessarily— us talking about our lives. Like us just sharing intimate details of our lives is what I call shit talking.
Lila: Okay—
Jimanekia: We have like check ins— I call because it’s more like, can you believe this shit? is like—
Lila: Ok.
Jimanekia: — is more what I mean. Ok, but do your.
Lila: Oh ok, so—
Jimanekia: Do your comma,
Lila: The things that came up, comma (Jimanekia laughs) my mother’s parents, my grandfather Sigismundo, and my grandmother, Ana, I didn’t really know them. I remember very vaguely meeting them when I was around seven and they died I think when I was ten and Sigismundo never touched my mom. Like no hugs, no nothing. (Dan hmms) never and so she was always—
Jimanekia: Seeking that attention—
Dan: Yeah.
Lila: — seeking, yeah— from, from men, (Jimanekia mhmms) wasn’t going to come from him so from (Jimanekia mhmms) male friends of the family (Dan and Jimanekia mmm) from men who were around, from men—
Jimanekia: Anyone.
Dan: Your father, eventually.
Lila: — men, and then my dad.
Dan: Yeah, right?
Lila: And—
Jimanekia: But then he didn’t give enough of it—
Lila: Right.
Jimanekia: Mhmm.
Lila: Not enough, not enough to fill her up, and then when I was living with her alone I felt that she was trying to use me to fill the emotional gap, I called it the unfillable hole.
Jimanekia: Mhmm.
Dan: Yeah.
Lila: And I couldn’t do that. And I would rebel against it, too. So we would have these vicious fights—
Jimanekia: Mhmm.
Lila: — and the pattern was you know, she would feel hurt, she would get spiteful, I would get angry, I would cry, she would apologize, we would not talk for a little bit and then it would start over again.
Dan: Mmmm.
Jimanekia: Cycle.
Lila: On the other side, my grandmother Della Donnolo was really in love with somebody else and wound up— her mother or her aunt, somebody stole the letters from her real love, so she thought her real love who was away at war was not writing to her, so that she would marry my grandfather, Anthony.
Dan: Oh goodness gracious.
Jimanekia: WOOOW.
Dan: Fucked up shit.
Lila: And then my grandfather, unbeknownst to her, was molesting at least one, I suspect, two of his daughters.
Jimanekia: Mmm.
Lila: Probably not the youngest, she doesn’t have any memory of that and she’s, she’s the healthiest, like you can tell, you can literally (Jimanekia mhmmms) look at her and you can see that she’s healthier than the others. The others became obese.
Jimanekia: Safety—
Lila: One of them says no, it didn’t happen to me I don’t believe her. Like she can say whatever she needs to to survive. But the other one who brought it up is like unwell, very very unwell. Basically everybody found out about it right around when my grandmother was dying and she—
Jimanekia: Death brings out truth— (Lila and Dan mhmm)
Lila: And she said If I had known, I would have killed him. So she didn’t know, and my father has always been so good with me, and warm, always tells me he loves me, super supportive of, uh, I and you know I have this very bohemian life that I was then like: I’m going to train as an actress, I’m going to teach yoga, I’m going to teach AcroYoga, I’m going to become a tango dancer, and go to Buenos Aires, I’m going to travel for a year, you know— (Dan laughs)
Jimanekia: Wow.
Lila: And he supported all the— and now I’m going to make a podcast about sexuality and he’s like, You are smart, you know, you are (Jimanekia laughs)
Dan: Yeah—
Lila: You are doing it, you know you, my lovely daughter my, you know—
Dan: Yeah—
Lila: — so I wanted to, to say that it was really important to say for my origin story that the cycle of abuse stopped with both of my parents, because they both loved me and hugged me and there wasn’t any sexual abuse in my household and there wasn’t the physical abuse— my grandfather Anthony, my father’s father, also like beat the kids really badly with a belt. Because he was beaten, viciously. And apparently he was less vicious than he got, right so they’re like, slow healing, but the cycle of abuse stopped with my parents. (Jimanekia mhmms) My mom was really careful not to let me be around men, alone with men when I was child because she was concerned that something that had happened to her, although she’d wanted it but something that had happened to her would happen to me. She was just really afraid. And you know who wound up molesting me? My female babysitter. Which I don’t remember. But she told me some years later because she became a Pentecostal Christian, and she felt she needed to confess to me.
Dan: Goodness.
Lila: I do not remember this. I believe it to be part of the source of my extreme sexual disgust, anybody that I’m not attracted to I’m like (whispers) disgusted by.
Dan: Mmm.
Lila: It’s like it’s so, it’s so intense. It’s so intense, you know, like a visceral— (disgust sound) I think the touch starvation has influenced me, oh there’s also one one also piece that her mother, when she was—
Jimanekia: Who is her?
Lila: Sorry, my mom’s mother, Ana, my mom’s name is Sula, my mom’s mother lost a child, a two year-old because the maid that they had, took the boy along to a house that had tuberculosis, (Dan mms!) and the boy died and the house was in mourning and that was like the golden child. My grandfather Sigismundo was like all about this boy and then my mother was conceived and so while my mother was gestating, she was in a depressed person’s body.
Dan: Oh wow.
Lila: And I, I recorded with her recently, not to release necessarily, but to ask her about her life and my life, and I said do you think that might be why you became depressed? And she can see that that might be why. You know, she couldn’t, the generational thing.
Jimanekia: Generational trauma is very real.
Dan: Yeah—
Jimanekia: And it only takes one, like you said you think the thing’s broken— it only takes one member to change the whole cycle of all of it.
Lila: Mmm.
Dan: Yeah.
Jimanekia: I’ve been told with my spiritual— cause I have a spiritual guider, that I was the one who changed the trauma within my life because we take on both of our parents—
Dan: Yeah—
Jimanekia: — and take on their parents, and their parents, like by the time we get here, we’re carrying so much in our bodies, we don’t even understand.
Dan: Yeah
Lila: Mhmm
Jimanekia: It’s interesting
Dan: I’m definitely the, where the cycle’s breaking in mine too because the whole rest of my family, I don’t speak the to rest of my family. (Jimanekia mhmms) They were never supportive of me being like I don’t want to speak to my mom they were really mad at me about it. One of my aunts texted me and said that me not talking to my mom was going to be like the reason that she killed herself, and a couple years later she did. I mean I think for uh life insurance purposes her husband doesn’t want me to say that but, like she, the way that she died was somebody walked in and there were lithium capsules like, a bunch of them, just open all over the counter, and to me that means one, one thing only but to the rest of my family they’re like well she just didn’t know what she was doing, it was an accident.
Jimanekia: Ah, that’s how that works?
Dan: That isn’t how that works, at all, it’s not. So I, I stopped speaking to my mom about a year and a half before she died, and a lot of my family blames me, her husband blames, he, on the phone to me said like basically like This is your fault. That Since you stopped talking to her she’s gotten worse and worse and worse (Lila: Mmmms) and, to your point about what you’re saying sharing these experiences, when I wrote a piece about my mom after she died I’d wrote a piece about when I stopped talking to her and about why I stopped talking to her and I wrote another piece after she died, and the feeling that I wanted to get across that I also was really nervous about talking about was the relief, how relieved I am. (Lila: Mhmms) And my dad had said before like, uh, her husband might not ever admit it, but I know that he feels relief too, like that the demons that my mother was fighting, the, the way that she treated every single person in her life was just visceral, bad, mean, she would only say the meanest possible things she could think to say like she just would try to destroy you every second she spoke to you and it just it kills me to think of how much my Nana, her mother, is just like, I wish I could have done more, you know I tried so hard, I would always talk to her, I would just stay on the phone with her, like no matter what she said to me I would say It’s ok Michelle, it’s ok don’t worry. I know you don’t mean it and to me on the other side someone who’s been in therapy who understands, I’m like, well that’s enabling her.
Jimanekia: Mhmm
Lila: Mmm
Dan: You know that’s, and that’s what a lot of my family would do. They, she would say one mean thing and they’d be like ‘I’m done talking to her.’ they wouldn’t talk to her for a little bit, and then she would get worse and worse meaner and louder and then it’s she would say one thing that would piss my aunt off in the right way and she’d be like Well you know what? and she’d come right back. That just taught my mom, well, if you want someone to talk to you, you’ve just got to be meaner.
Lila: Uhh
Dan: So that was that’s like the lesson she kept learning when I stopped talking to my mom they all started talking to her more and a year and a half later she died, and two and a half years later I still don’t speak to them. The only person I talk to is my Nana it’s once every three months or so and it’s because my mom’s husband won’t let my family go get her personal items from her house, so I have to check in like Well I’m talking to a lawyer again, he still hasn’t sent anything over, like have you been allowed to get your mother’s afghans that she like stitched together, my Nana is like Nope, not yet. We’re over 2 years in.
Lila: Excuse me?
Jimanekia: People are trash
Dan: People are trash.
Jimanekia: Moral of the story
Dan: The other thing that was like a really important lesson to me when I was 22 and my dad was like How do you feel about getting adopted? I was like Can you adopt me? He was like, Here’s the thing, if something happens to you they’re going to call your mom. [gasp] and I was like Jesus christ please no, and he was like, and if they can’t get ahold of her they’re going to call your bio dad and he was like and we don’t even know where he is, like he which I have a relationship with him now but it’s like whatever we’re like pals I guess we talk once in a while it’s not a big deal, he’s chill. He, similarly, he used to write me letters that my mom would hide.
Lila: Oh shit
Dan: Yeah he would call and I would talk to him on the phone and then call back the next day and either someone she was dating would answer the phone and say you have the wrong number or the number would be completely disconnected, and so we’re like we don’t know where he is, he’s a chill guy, he’s cool he loves his kids more than anything, he’s great like, I saw him a couple of years ago, whatever. But my dad was like Do you want me to adopt you? and he kind of explained this to me, and I was like Alright, yeah and that like when I got adopted by my dad it was like, we were like in court, and they were like, well ok you obviously love each other and we have this like, you know signed documentation and blah blah blah So congrats, you’re like now a family and we like looked at each other because we’re both on opposite sides like it’s a we’re against each other but we’re trying to get adopted to each other. Whatever, I don’t know (Jimanekia laughs) the justice system is so fucking weird. Anyway so we like look at each other and we both cry a little bit. That moment to me is where I was like, Oh, this is my family (Lila Mmms) and I don’t feel any attachment to the people in my life who are what technically blood related, but like don’t wanna support me, like never stood up for me, let me live with someone abusive, that’s not my family. Like, my family is my dad, my family is Jimanekia, my family is my girlfriend, my family is something so different from what everyone kinda forces you to believe your family is and when I was Googling like, what to do if you need to like leave an alcoholic partner, what to do if you, if like a bipolar partner and everything was like You have to leave, you have to take care of yourself And when I looked it up for parent, it was like Well they’re your family, so you just have to stick it out.
Lila: Oh!
Dan: And that’s when I was kinda like Oh, so I guess I’ll be writing about this then
Jimanekia: (laughs) thanks for nothing
Dan: Yeah
[24:31]Lila: I know a woman named Diana O, have you heard of her? (Dan: Mm’mmms) She’s a theater artist and a musician and an incredibly sensual and sexual queer femme asian woman. And Diana O does all these really powerful installations. One of them that got a lot of press was my lingerie play, and so she had a series of, I’m not sure if she called them actions, I don’t know if she called them installations, I think she called them actions. Series of actions that happened in public parks, like Union Square, where people would stand on soap boxes and that, it would .literally say, This is my soap box.
Dan: I love it
Lila: And they would be wearing lingerie, and they’d hold signs and you know some of them would say like Even if I’m wearing this, you know, there would be anti-catcalling and anti-street-harassment and it culminated in a rock concert/play/installation that was the finale of it. She’s always got really interesting, playful, avant-garde stuff going on that celebrates her queerness, and celebrates her color, and celebrates others who are of marginalized identities as well. And one of the things that she does is family portraits (Jimanekia Mmms) and it’s like Who’s in your family, who’s really in your family. And people in the sex positive community throw around the term chosen family a lot.
Dan: Oh yeah?
Lila: But I still think it’s a really beautiful term. When I think about it, it fills me to think Aw yeah, these are the people that I choose to be my family.
Dan: Yeah
Lila: The blood the people living in, in the south that are Dan: yeah– you know those are not my people.
Jimanekia: I don’t talk to them
Dan: I don’t need to
Lila: But not just to call them that and to spend holidays and things, but to actually have rituals commemorating. That’s what I find sound so gorgeous. She creates a lot of performance art rituals, she’s ritualistic in her art making. And rituals are one of the ways we find beauty and sacredness in our existence right? so
Dan: Yeah
Lila: So I love this idea of the ritual of creating a family portrait but with your, you know, your queer girlfriend and your metamour and your, you know
Jimanekia: Yeah
Lila: Your person who owns your building (Dan laughs)
Dan: Yeah yeah yeah
Lila: Whoever it is that’s your, that’s your real family. Jimanekia what drew you to Dan? What do you love about Dan?
Jimanekia: Dan is extremely genuine. There is a light aura around Dan that just seems very understanding and healing, but also is very strong and um, Dan curses a lot. (Lila and Dan laugh) and um, I like that. Dan loves me like to like this weird degree, and also believes in me way more than I believe in myself, and that was just in our friendship before like, I was the one that was like So, look I need help. So can you help me? and Dan was like, Well, come over and let’s talk about it and I was like Ok, so here’s some things I need help doing and Dan was like [trill sound] Ok, so I think I can do something so let me write up something and then you can look it over and if you really want to do it, let’s do it. And I think that was one of the best decisions I ever made this year.
Lila: People say don’t have money between friends, right?
Dan: Right
Lila: So how do you navigate contractual things being close as friends?
Jimanekia: Money stresses me out.
Dan: I won’t, first of all, I have a contract for my clients and it’s basically like, when you get paid I get paid. (Lila Mhmms) And because I started working with Stevie, and the way we started was, we weren’t like close friends but we liked each other, and she’s like I’m looking for a writer and I was like Oh I could write for you? and she loved how I wrote for her. And then she was like Do you wanna do the deals and get a percentage?
Lila: You wrote a lot of her videos right?
Dan: Yeah I’ve written, yeah I would say of the lesbian sex ed series, I’ve probably wrote all of them but maybe one.
Lila: Did you write How To Eat PUSSYYYYYYYY?
Dan: Yes I did, I wish you would have screamed that louder if I’m being honest but (Lila laughs) Yes I wrote, I also I love it because I get to say I wrote the script on how to eat pussy
Lila: (laughing) YES!
Dan: That’s something I get to say and it’s true.
Lila: That’s a really nice tagline.
Dan: I wrote the script on how to eat pussy.
Lila: I wrote the script on how to eat pussy.
Dan: I did. I also wrote the script on Butt stuff
Lila: (laughing) Butt stuff
Dan: and How to finger a girl and Jimanekia: Look at you– So…Jimanekia: Pleasure Provider– So, but, so it’s just I have no idea how to have a working relationship that isn’t also personal. People are like How do you do personal in business? and I’m like I don’t know how to not do it. I don’t wanna work with someone who’s not my friend and I don’t wanna be friends with someone I wouldn’t wanna work with, like what? So to me it’s always been very easy. And also when Jimanekia approached me like we weren’t… It was one thing for Stevie to be like Here is something where somebody’s offering me however many thousands of dollars, you handle the deal part of it and then you get a percentage.
Jimanekia: We didn’t have any money.
Dan: And then
Jimanekia: We just got some money.
Dan: right, and for Jimanekia…
Jimanekia: Literally the other day.
Dan: yeah exactly
Lila: Guys…
Dan: We just started making money together, which was like, amazing.
Jimanekia: Fuck yeah
Dan: But, when Jimanekia came to me, it was like, she was kinda like I don’t know, but here are all the things I’m good at and I was just like (Lila Mmmms) I also don’t know but let me think about it because my experience is so, like I have such a wide variety of experiences and I know that you’re special. Like, I know that you’re special, you’re one of the like, best, smartest, coolest people that I’ve ever met.’ I know and the thing that also I was like I’ll use the word frustrated even though there was like never any negative feeling about it, but the thing that was also frustrating is I was like Jimanekia, when we started talking about it was writing, she was doing articles, she was doing homework, she was like everything she was doing was writing. And I was like People need to like, hear you talk (Lila Mmms) Like I want you to be talking to people Jimanekia: That’s true– and like in my head How do we get you to host a show? like I couldn’t fucking make sense of it, but I was like even in talking to other people I was like Yeah she can write an article, like whatever, but like people need to hear her talk. (Lila mhmms) And then I remember she started doing, it was only a few months ago that you started being on podcasts, someone like had you on a podcast (Jimanekia mhmms) And I was like Jimanekia: I’ve done so many podcasts this year– at this point, yeah (Lila mmms) But like, I was like YES people like need to be like hearing you talk. How do we get you to be on other people’s podcasts when your credentials aren’t like ‘Famous Youtuber.’
Jimanekia: Right
Dan: or like your credentials aren’t like ‘I released a book about this’. How do we get podcast people to be like interested in having you on their podcasts because people need to hear you talk, people need to hear about what you’re saying. And so like, that was why when we discovered that her hosting a podcast series, a part of it was so fucking magical, and kismet, and like perfect because YESSS people need to hear you speaking
Jimanekia: That’s the platform
Dan: People need to hear what you have to say. And now people are like Oh my god do we want a podcast host on our podcast? YES! sick.
Lila: Yeah
Dan: And that’s like, up her credentials, that’s like, the least important one or whatever, right? Like
Lila: Right
Dan: That’s the thing everything else that’s she’s been learning, her decades of experience her like, school her
Jimanekia: I’m still in school
Dan: Yeah still in school, but like
Lila: Hopefully we’re still in school until we die, I’m just say’n
Jimanekia: I mean, I’m working on my master’s in health psychology now
Dan: That’s the one that’s going to stick I feel
Jimanekia: Yeah, I like this one
Dan: It’s the one that’s gonna stick. Yeah you’ve been doing it for a couple of months, and that’s, if you make it past 3 months with something, you’re pretty much in on it
Jimanekia: Yeah, I think money, exchanging money in between us is easy because money stresses me out. (Dan mhmms) Jimanekia: And so I’m like Here it is, take it, leave me alone. (Lila and Dan laugh) I got it, you got it
Dan: You deal with it, you deal with it. It’s also that we care about each other like we’re never going to fuck each other over because like I’m, because Jimanekia works for my brand as well, she like helps me out with Rademo, and like I’m not ever going to fuck her over. Like, I’m as excited to send her money as she is to send me money. And I am as excited
Jimanekia: [laughs] It’s the cycle of money.
Dan: It is. It’s the cycle of money.
Lila: It’s lovely.
Dan: Yeah, exactly.
Lila: I saw a little infinity sign in my brain.
Jimanekia: Yeah
Dan: Yes, exactly, we just keep passing it back and forth.
Lila: Have you ever had to negotiate, navigate sexual tension between you?
Jimanekia: No
Dan: No
Lila: That makes things easier.
Dan: Well, I think as soon as we entered into a business partnership we were both like, I guess we won’t have sex then. (everyone laughs)
Jimanekia: You’ve got some friends now? I’m always asking to be hooked up and no one listens to me.
Dan: Yeah.
Jimanekia: It’s like That’s so cute, I’m like I like to date, hook me up on a date people are like, Mhmm.
Dan: I guess that’s true, well it’s like you
Jimanekia: No one ever hooks me up on dates.
Dan: You know when you have three partners
Lila: Do many people still do that though? Like the
Jimanekia: I don’t know
Lila: Blind date situation?
Jimanekia: I’m trying to take it back.
Dan: I love to hook people up. Lila: I hear that, I’m into, I am in full support.
Jimanekia: I. You know what? You know what, for this year, I was only dating with referrals. (Dan mmMMMmms)
Lila: Nice!
Jimanekia: And that’s how I got my partner that I met in July, their partner was like Date my husband I was like What? Date my husband, he’d love to go out with you. We went on one date and that was it.
Dan: That’s so sweet.
Lila: Kenneth says referral sex is the best sex.
Dan: That’s so true.
Lila: He’s the guy who cofounded my intentional community, he’s a sex educator.
Jimanekia: Yeah I know him.
Dan: Yeah there you go. Yeah I would only set Jimanekia up with someone if they were good enough for her and I
Lila: That’s a high bar right?
Dan: That’s a high bar, yeah. I just, I love hooking people up but it’s gotta be so specific. I just hooked up two of my friends and they were like hung out one time and they were like Oh my God, how did you know? and I was like
Lila: I really really love doing it and I have a great success story that I’m incredibly proud of
Jimanekia: are they getting married, they’ve got childrens?
Lila: no no no no, not yet. They’re both divorced, they might not marry again, you know I don’t think they want to get married
Jimanekia: You can be life, live together forever, that’s like married
Lila: So one of them I’ve known for a long long time we used to work in the same spa, we would do trades cause I’ve taught yoga for many years, and he’s done massage for a long time.
Jimanekia: My kinda trade.
Lila: And we would trade, and it was awesome. And so I’d known him and when somebody asked me once if I had a model, if I knew anybody who was a model for healthy masculinity, I thought about it really hard. (Dan mhmms)
Lila: And I said Yes! I have one! (laughs)
Dan: Yes
Jimanekia: You’ve got to think about it.
Lila: I have one, and he’s a marvelous human being, he’s always learning, he’s now he was monogamous, he’s now polyamorous, he’s always reading, he’s always processing, he’s in therapy, he’s constantly trying to be a better communicator, a better partner, better provider at this point he has a child from his previous marriage. Excellent father, excellent excellent human being. I’ve never been physically attracted to him, so it’s always been easy for me to just love him up and be his friend and not have that, that any of that tension of that nature there. And then I have a dear friend from this year, who’s basically the woman who inspired has me not to hold back on my sartorial choices, I am just, I’ll wear that big fucking black hat, I’m in fascinator territory, I’m wearing wild shoes, and you know Jimanekia: Best life– yeah, it feels so good, it feels so so so good. And she was inspired by the church ladies of her youth. So that’s where like, the inspiration comes through. And so these two, we’d all seen Black Panther, and I’m like Let’s go see it again because I wanted to see it again in the theaters, number one, but also I really wanted to hook them up, and I didn’t wanna tell them that’s what I was doing, because you know, they maybe, I didn’t wanna put any pressure on it, I just wanted to put them in the same space with each other and then they would take care of it themselves, if there was the ‘zaz’ you know if that was there. And so he was like, Oh is it ok? My I mentioned to one of my partners that we were going to see Black Panther and then her other partner that she’s hanging out with tonight, was like Oh which theater, what time? and he got tickets and I’m like NO! (laughs)
Dan: Uh oh
Jimanekia: I thought when I said, I have this plan
Lila: I got so upset. I was like, I kinda made it about my paticularness and my desire to curate
Dan: Yes
Lila: an experience and the people that I want in this experience
Jimanekia: I do that
Lila: so then they sat apart from us-
Dan: Good
Lila: Yeah (Jimanekia laughs)
Lila: because I was like Come on! Like No! you can’t crash my setup,
Dan: I’m on your side
Jimanekia: I didn’t invite you
Dan: Yeah
Lila: What the, what the fuck?
Dan: You can’t crash my secret plan.
Lila: Plus, plus that other partner of his is not, like I don’t, I don’t jive with her energy so I didn’t invite her to my little
Jimanekia: Purposely
Lila: Delightful
Jimanekia: She wasn’t invited
.
Dan: If she should have been invited, she would have been invited.
Lila: She would have been invited, exactly and so it’s very weird that her partner, they were just thinking it’s cool, it’s fine we’re all
Jimanekia: That irritates me.
Dan: I know, me too.
Lila: I was also like No! No!
Dan: What’s your sign?
Lila: I’m a Libra
Dan: Me too!
Lila: It’s not fair, it’s not balanced.
Dan: Exactly
Lila: So I had sent him a picture and I was like So this is my friend who’s going to be there and I didn’t do the same with her (laughs)
Dan: Ok
Lila: Because I didn’t, I didn’t want her to feel any kinda pressure, any kinda way
Dan: Yeah of course
Lila: I know that if she wants, she will go for,
Dan: Yes
Lila: so I just brought them to the theater, there was another friend of mine who came. And briefly she said Is Lila just bringing all of her Black friends to see Black Panther? and I was like No! and also you are not all of my Black friends, I have many more Black friends, so no
Jimanekia: Good Answer.
Lila: [laughing] But then we went out afterwards with a former partner of hers and we all were together and I was like I can’t tell if she’s into him. I’m not sure Because she was really in love with this former partner.
Dan: Mmmm
Lila: And I found out later that they were communicating that they found each other on the interwebs and they were communicating and now they are primary partners
Dan: That’s so cute!
Lila: and they’re going to do an episode with me
Jimanekia: What a story!
Lila: I know, it’s so beautiful!
Dan: My story is so opposite of that. My story is so, so my girlfriend’s best friend who’s amazing she’s worked for me a couple of times, we’re close, but they’re like way way way closer, like we love each other, we’re cool, and I met so, one of my other clients, Amber, uh, do you know Amber’s closet?
Lila: No
Dan: Ok, she’s great look her up.
Lila: K, deal
Dan: Um, Shout-out, another client
Lila: Amber’s Closet
[40:19] Dan: Um, but you do know Meghan Tondis, another one of my clients, shout-out, um
Lila: Two (Dan laughs)
Jimanekia: Wooow
Lila: I wish I could rattle off her episodes
Dan: I know right?
Lila: Episodes eeeeeeeeeeh 50 something 50 something
Dan: And Stevie one of my other clients. Anyway, so
Jimanekia: Wow
Dan: Amber is like I found this new kid who just wants to do these videos for me like blah blah blah blah you’ll meet them at my birthday party, and I’m like Cool. So, Amber tells me Like I just started working with this new person you’re gonna love them, they’re great and I’m like K I go to Amber’s birthday party I meet them, and I’m like Alright, cool, cool vibe and that’s pretty much it. Like we don’t have much of an interaction (laughs) they’re cool they hang around, whatever. Later I’m talking to them and they’re like I’m like looking for a new place to live and I’m like You know what? I really want you to meet this friend of mine and they’re like Ok, sure whatever and then later I like text that friend and I’m like Hey I really want you to meet someone. Later, my friends over, and I’m like Look at this person and I like show them on Instagram, and my friend’s like Oh ok cool and I’m like Oookay? I then I like text them like Hey start pulling your Instagram they start following each other on Instagram, they don’t care they don’t interact, they like don’t have nothing. And then I hired them both to work on the same event, which I didn’t even think about, but this is like two weeks later or whatever, and I hired them both to work at the same event and then I’m like Are you guys like flirting or? and they’re like What are you talking about?
Lila: How’s it going?
Dan: So they literally start talking over the fact that like I’m being so ridiculous.
Lila: Wanting to hook them up?
Dan: Exactly. Wanting to hook them up. So they’re not interested in each other at all, they don’t give a shit and then they meet at this event, which Jimanekia was also working at.
Jimanekia: I’m like everywhere in your life.
Dan: Because you, yeah, you have to keep the family around you at all times.
Jimanekia: Yeah, safety.
Dan: (laughs) and so my girlfriend’s best friends like Ok, like she’s actually like really cute! And I’m like I know right?’ (Lila laughs) and I go up to her and I’m like So are you flirting or what? C’mon are you guys flirting? And they’re like Oh my god like get off my dick’ basically. They kinda connect over the fact I’m being so annoying about them meeting and so they text one night they’re like Ok you win, I have a date with her tomorrow and I’m like Sick! And then they spend like six days in a row together. They’re like immediately obsessed, they’re so in love, and it’s, I mean I don’t know if they’re in love whatever their relationship is, but they’re like so in love they’re like obsessed (Lila laughs)
Jimanekia: I don’t know if they’re in love, but they’re in love.
Lila: They’re so in love.
Dan: You know what I mean? It’s like maybe they don’t know but I know but they’re so fucking cute and also
Lila: If it looks like love and it smells like love and it sounds like love.
Dan: it’s love. Also they’re like How did you do that because you didn’t even know me’ like I literally met this kid, just saw them, I don’t know anything, I’m like What’s your trauma? Have you broken the cycle? like I know nothing about this kid and I’m like I want you to meet my girlfriend’s best friend. Like let’s make this as messy as possible if we can.
Jimanekia: Touche
Dan: But luckily I was just correct. Spot on. Didn’t need to know anything about you.
Jimanekia: So, find me someone.
Dan: I – well, I’m working on it
Jimanekia: Are you really?
Dan: Not really, I’m not working on it, it has to come to be like that, it has to be a light bulb out of nowhere and then I’ll like try to force it on you, you won’t want it and it’ll be fine.
Jimanekia: Cool. Can’t wait
Lila: So, have you thought of a story that the other one doesn’t know?
Dan: Oh shit!
Jimanekia: (laughs) Yeah sure, I’ve got plenty of dirty stories.
Lila: Oh yeah, alright, take it away.
Jimanekia: Oh ok, so which one. So in college, in my fornication days (Lila laughs) in my later college fornication days, I started sleeping with this one human whose name I won’t say but it’s the name of a state, um
Dan: Oklahoma.
Jimanekia: False.
Lila: Can we, can we call them a state that is a different state? Can we call them Alabama?
Jimanekida: Texas.
Lila: We’re going to call them Texas?
Jimanekia: Not Oklahoma, or Alabama.
Lila: Texas sucks too!
Jimanekia: I know (Lila laughs) Idaho.
Dan: Idaho
Lila: Let’s call them Idaho, Jimanekia: Idaho– I like it that’s a nice, Dan: Idaho works, that’s a nice song– that’s nice for the sex story.
Jimanekia: It does, doesn’t it? Idaho
(Jimanekia mhmms)(Dan laughs)
Lila: Oh no that’s Iowa, shit(Jimanekia laughs)
Dan: Oh. Idaho, you’da ho, we all, you know what I mean? That’s where the joke comes from.
Jimanekia: Yeah, that’s why I (Lila sings the word Iowa)
Lila: Ok– So Idaho, who is it now? Fuck (Lila laughs)
Jimanekia: Idaho– So Idaho and I had been sleeping together for quite some time off and on. We were like sleeping together kinda like in secrecy cause I’d slept with some of Idaho’s friends cause you know I didn’t give a fuck. Um and Idaho didn’t either, it was really great, we had a really great communication and I still sleep with Idaho every now and again. (Lila awwwws) (Dan mmmms) [45:12]??? so this one particular time Idaho was
Dan: so this is great because now I know who you’re talking about– you don’t know’m
Dan: What?
Jimanekia: Oh maybe you do.
Dan: I mean, we haven’t met, but I know who you’re talking about.
Jimanekia: Ooohhhh
Dan: which makes this story more interesting for me
Jimanekia: Wow, so everything is about Dan apparently.
Dan: apparently– (Lila and Dan laugh)
Jimanekia: So Idaho was like Hey my friends are having some game night do you wanna come over and I was like Cool let’s have a game night. So we’re playing the game night, and then get drunk, have a little weed, live our best lives, and I was like Ok, I’m gonna go home cause I didn’t live far. But like we get to my car and we start making out. Mind you we are in front of these people’s home and they have a big ass window. Dan: uh oh– and it’s not covered. And we’re on the corner of like a street. So there’s like cars passing by. I don’t really understand what was happening in my life, but we were like making out and then Idaho and I have just this chemistry, and next thing I know like my underwear are down, we’re still not in the car
Dan: oh no– we’re not in the car. (Lila mmm) The doors open, also still in front of these people’s home. Dan: I’m sweating– So it starts getting little hand sex and then we get into the car, we’re still in front of people’s homes, still on the corner, we start having sex in the back seat. We had a great time.
Lila: What kind of sex?
Jimanekia: PV sex (Lila mhmms) so lots of me on top, in the backseat of my car, holding on to the handles (Lila mhmms) Dan: what?!– as I am riding this human’s body
Dan: Great!
Lila: Nice!
Jimanekia: Yeah it was a good time. I was like alright, cool, good times, see you next, see you later and I went back inside. I mean, that’s as good as- can I have a part two of my story?
Lila and Dan: Yeah
Dan: That was a good quick and dirty.
Jimanekia: So another Lila: tasty, morsel– We did a lot of quick and dirties. We were driving somewhere once, and he started rubbing my thigh and I was like stop this is getting really good so we pulled into a random neighborhood and we saw a house that was empty and for sale and it was like covered (Lila gasps) by trees so we pulled into their driveway, Lila: Oh geez) there was noone there, and we had sex in the driveway, and it was amazing sex. My body was so much more agile a few years ago (laughs). So he was in the passenger seat and then after we’re done having sex, I like, I don’t know what made me look behind us but there was a camera, in the corner (Lila and Dan gasp) So there’s a possibility that someone has me having sex in a car (Lila gasps) somewhere Dan: Oh my goodness gracious.– on video. So there’s that, yay
Dan: Wow
Lila: The end.
Dan: The end.
Jimanekia: Idaho is still great, I give him advice and uh, we have sex.
Dan: Love you Idaho (Lila laughs) Shoutout!
Jimanekia: Shoutout to Idaho.
Dan: Ok, so, this is an interesting story that I don’t, I don’t think you know, but you might, I don’t know
Jimanekia: Cool
Dan: So when I was in college, I was 19 is when I realized I liked, chicks or whatever (Jimanekia laughs) I don’t know how you say stuff. Chiiicks? I dated a girl for a couple of months and then she went and studied abroad and it was like a, she basically got a Dear John email from me, like it was, I was shitty, I was 19. And then I met someone who I had the biggest crush on and I thought she was so cute and we started to date. We dated for like a month and I was like, it was totally cool that we didn’t want to be girlfriends cause also we were in college in Rock Hill South Carolina and it’s just not ok to be gay so like, like you know she’s not out to her family etc so that’s what we’re going through right? We date for like a month and then she’s like I want you to be like my girlfriend and I’m like Ok and also like, set yourself into 19 year old South Carolina monogamy brain for a second. So I want you to be my girlfriend, I’m like Ok and I like go on a trip and I’m away on my birthday and she doesn’t say anything on my birthday, which I don’t give a shit about my birthday but at the same time I just happen to get like a feeling, right? (Lila and Jimanekia Mhmm) and then Jimanekia: Intuition– uh-hu an intuition feeling
Lila: What did it feel like?
Dan: It felt like, what it felt like to me was, she cheated on me. And it wasn’t based on anything, and I just like knew in that moment, I didn’t know why I knew.
Lila: Did you feel it in your body?
Dan: I felt it in my body, yeah, I felt it in my stomach, and my butt, like (Jimanekia laughs) I just like felt it
Lila: Just little side note, in my episode with Stevie, Dan: yeah– in one of my episode with Stevie says she had a conversation with you, where she was talking about a feeling and you said where do you feel it? She said Dan: yeah (laughs)– that’s not why they call them feelings. You don’t actually feel them. Jimanekia: that feels like Stevie
Dan: Oh my god, my child
Lila: You taught her about feelings
Dan: Ah, my baby. So I feel it in my butthole and I’m like, whatever
Jimanekia: Wow, getting tense
Dan: I get back and I’m like texting her, and she’s like Oh I made you a CD, she didn’t actually make me a CD, she burned Jimanekia: she made a copy– she made a copy of an album, it wasn’t Jimanekia: lazy– from her. It was from her and her roomate, so anyway. (Lila laughs)
Jimanekia: That was your gift?
Dan: That was my gift
Jimanekia: I’m pissed
Dan: (laughs) it was my gift, it’s still one of my favorite albums, Jimanekia: it’s not the point– but whatever– that’s not the point (Lila laughs)
Dan: It didn’t piss me off at the time I was like Cool, thank you, but, I get back and I’m like, I’m AIM’ing with her Jimanekia: Yes!– Shoutout! And she’s like not meeting up with, not meeting up with me, not meeting up with me. And all of a sudden, we need to think of a fake name real quick.
Jimanekia: Sasha
Dan: Sasha, thank you. Lila: Ok– just out of nowhere it’s based on nothing, I don’t even know how this comes to me or whatever, she’s like hey we should go back to being friends are you dating Sasha? And she’s like Yes. So somehow in the week that I’m gone she started dating this other girl Jimanekia: In a week?!– I don’t know. So they continue to date for a year and a half. My heart is like ripped apart. It’s like ripped into pieces and also Sasha had been dating my roommate, so me and my roommate were both like Jimanekia: pissed– UUUUHHHH but my roommate was so much more upset than me that I was just like Ok nevermind like you know what? I’ll just keep these feelings inside. So they continue to date for about a year and a half. Somewhere in there the three of us start working together, we work at the same restaurant and we’re having a conversation and I’m like making some sort of joke and then the girl originally dated, not Sasha, what’s her name?
Jimanekia: Tiffany
Dan: Tiffany? (Lila laughs) and Tiffany is like, Jimanekia: Tiffany and Sasha– Lila: So good at this– and Tiffany is like no me and Sasha talked about it, you’re probably the only person at the school that we’d wanna have a threesome with and I was like Jimanekia: Oooh!– Lila: mmm!– and I said I would definitely do THAT (Lila laughs) Jimanekia: with Tiff and Sash– I was like I would definitely do that because also I’m just like, oh! Another part of the thing is that like we hadn’t had sex in out in our like one month of dating Jimanekia: I mean it was so quick– we made out, but we hadn’t had sex yet, and I was like I’m gonna have sex (Lila and Jimanekia laugh) and so here comes this opportunity, Tiffany is like telling me we wanna have a threesome with you and I’m like well here we go and I also there was six months in my life where I drank and it was like this small period when I turned 21.
Jimanekia: Was this the drinking time?
Dan: Yeah, my tiny little drinking time. So we all go to the gay club in Rock Hill South Carolina Jimanekia: as you do– called The Hideaway, which is Jimanekia: (laughing) of course it is– down a dirt road in a doublewide. I don’t think it actually is a double wide but it’s about that size. (Jimanekia laughs) We go there and we are at the bar and we’re getting drunk, and we’re like ok are we going to do this? Let’s do this, we get drunk, we go back to their house, we have a threesome, it’s like pretty chill (Jimanekia laughs) The next morning, the next morning [53:49]Jimanekia: ????– I know, It’s like pretty chill, I don’t think we went to sleep, I think we, it just happened to be eight in the morning and we were like let’s go to IHOP and this is a fun side note that I didn’t remember until just now but like I, it’s like cold cause it’s like the morning now or whatever, and so Tiffany is like here you can borrow this sweatshirt and it’s actually her ex-boyfriend’s sweatshirt (laughs)
Jimanekia: Well done
Dan: So I’m at breakfast, with my ex-girlfriend, her current girlfriend, and I’m wearing her ex-boyfriend’s sweatshirt Jimanekia: full circle– lol. And then, about a day goes by and she’s like Ok, when’s the next time? And I’m like Alright, here’s the thing, I enjoyed that, but what I enjoyed was having sex with you Tiffany and that’s what I want to continue doing and that is what I realize is not the correct way to handle this situation, and she’s like but I also want to continue having sex with you and I’m like, right but you’re in a relationship with Sasha and I don’t wanna have sex with Sasha
Jimanekia: Tiffany really fucked this up anyway, Tiffany could have had you.
Dan: So, Tiffany and Sasha break up (everyone laughs) Me and Tiffany start dating, and we date for about a year and a half, and that’s it, that’s the story.
Lila: That’s it?
Dan: Yeah
Lila: That’s the end?
Dan: Yeah, that’s the end. Jimanekia: Right back where you started– right back to where you started, yeah we dated for a year and a half, it was not worth it.
Jimanekia: How was the sex though?
Dan: Sex was cool for the first little bit?
Jimanekia: You say very downgrade sex things, you’re referring to Dan: yeah I mean I– it was cool I guess, it was a cool threesome (Lila laughs)
Dan: My sex was like fine I guess until I turned like 30. Lila: fine I guess– Until I turned 30.
Jimanekia: I was like, what is this?
Dan: I didn’t, it’s like my- So my last girlfriend was probably the first time I had like, great sex and we probably had great sex a couple of times and then my current girlfriend is the first time I’ve been in a relationship where like, we have fucking bang’n sex all the time, constantly, it only gets better, I keep being like what’s going on? Do you like me as a person? Or is this just for the sex because like, it was just for the sex that would make sense to me, but Lila: because it’s so good..– it turns out because it’s so good, but also part of why it’s so good is cause she’s also like my best friend, the funniest person I ever met, the coolest, cares about my emotions, hugs me when I have anxiety, like Jimanekia: it’s so gross (Dan laughs) it’s so fuck’n gross– yeah, we’re, we’re mom and dad at the LA queer community for sure. (Jimanekia laughs) Tell me it’s not true.
Jimakenia: I didn’t deny it, I just giggled
Dan: That’s true, you’re right
Lila: So, on behalf of (everyone laughs) Dan: six hours later– Lila, Dan, Daniel, Jimanekia, Idaho, Sasha and Tiffany, Jimanekia: Yes!– That’s what’s horizontal.
