69. average-sized penis: quickie with The Sex Hacker

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69. average-sized penis: quickie with The Sex Hacker

This episode is a little different than the others. It’s a quickie. If you’ve been listening to horizontal, you know that: at the end of every conversation with a guest, I ask them to tell me a story. Each full conversation is between two and three hours long.

Kenneth: I remember moving here, when I was 11, that I felt like… Asian male is so underrepresented, sexually, or as a athlete, or, you know, things like that that women are attracted to, and always, like, our sexuality is butt of the joke for penis size. So I grew up really thinking that, you know, I wasn’t good enough, like, if I don’t have a porn star cock, like, then I can’t have the sex life I want. But I was always very… just into sexuality, and like most teenaged boy, I wanna get girls to like me, so if we are, if we are what we think about the most, I would be a pair of boobs.

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This episode is a little different than the others. It’s a quickie.

If you’ve been listening to horizontal, you know that: at the end of every conversation with a guest, I ask them to tell me a story. Each full conversation is between two and three hours long. It gets divided into two parts and released as two episodes. Part ones are available to everyone in all the podcast places. Part twos are available exclusively to my patrons!

Sign up for access to The Full Horizontal.

Become a Patron!

Naturally, our conversations get deeper and deeper as my guest and I drop in together. So when, at the very end of those part twos, my guest tells me a tale, it is a very intimate tale of some kind. Any kind. It can be about friendships, lovers, family.

It has been about being carried down a mountain on the back of a hunky guide (Elaine), a literal and figurative friend death (me), the first time ejaculating where stuff came out (Grant), a big fat freaky wedding (Dixie), and a miscarriage (Philip), among many, many other things. I always tell my guest that it can be any story that falls under the umbrella of intimacy, with any kind of tone or outcome, as long as it’s a story that they truly desire to tell me.

This quickie episode (which consists of three little stories, rather than one big one) was recorded live at my last Horizontal Storytelling Pajama Party, which was held at Hacienda Studio in Brooklyn. At Horizontal Storytelling, we all donned pajamas, had milk and cookies, got exceedingly cozy,  and curled up together, all 50 of us, to listen to just the stories, back to back, by six storytellers, one after the other.

I got horizontal with my guest just like we do when we record a full episode, wearing robes, sharing a pillow, microphone positioned above us, gazing upward as though stargazing, or post-coital, or in the wee-morning hours of a really good sleepover. I’m planning to host another one (or something like it) in the Spring of 2019, so make sure you’re on the mailing list through horizontalwithlila.com and all the details shall come!

In this quickie I get horizontal with Kenneth Play, my friend, my housemate, and world-renowned Sex Hacker, Sex Coach, and Sex Educator. He’s the co-founder of Hacienda Villa, the intentional community in which I live and love, and where I am a founding member. We’ve been living in the same house now for four and half years.

I introduce him quite fully in the episode, so I’ll just say here that I have been privileged to live in the same house as a Master of Sex. Kenneth taught me how to verbalize specifically the kind of oral sex that I desire. He taught me how to insert and operate my nJoy pure wand dildo. He also taught me the most nourishing technique I’ve ever come across for grounding with my lover after sex.

And now he’s gathered all these tips, tricks, and techniques from his teachers — some of the greatest sex educators and coaches and tantra masters alive — as well as from hours upon hours of, let’s call it “laboratory practice,” and distilled them into a Sex Ed video series that is accessible to everyone. It focuses on giving pleasure to women and those with vulvas and consists of:

The Oral Course

The Squirting Course

The Penetration Course

& the Sex Hacker Bundle

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Very soon, I’ll be launching Season 3, and with it, I’ll be revealing some surprises, streamlining my tiers and raising the bar for patronage.

If you want access to The Full Horizontal, you can still get that when you become a patron of $5 a month and up. If you lock it in now, you’ll be grandfathered in, with my gratitude for being an early patron of the horizontal arts, baybee!

I have big plans for the future of our intimate lives, and you can help me happen them.

Become a Patron!

Feel free to reach out to me there if you have any questions, ideas for dream guests, or musings spurred by any of the episodes. It’s lovely to know that you’re listening, and pondering.

In other words, come lie down with us, in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

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Links to Things:

Become a patron of the horizontal arts for access to ALL the episodes!

Kenneth’s Sex Ed video training courses: The Oral Course, The Squirting Course, The Penetration Course, & the Sex Hacker Bundle

For all things Kenneth, KennethPlay.com

Kenneth has instructional videos on Pornhub. Which makes him a porn star.

Back to the Body, Pamela Madsen’s sensual retreats for women, such as “The Art of Receiving”  

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Show Notes (feel free to share quotes/resources on social media, and please link to this website or my Patreon!):

website link: https://horizontalwithlila.com/

Patreon link: https://www.patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

[8:50]  Kenneth tells a story about being an Asian immigrant, and battling sexual insecurity.

Kenneth: I remember moving here, when I was 11, that I felt like…

Asian male is so underrepresented, sexually, or as a athlete, or, you know, things like that that women are attracted to, and always, like, our sexuality is butt of the joke for penis size. So I grew up really thinking that, you know, I wasn’t good enough, like, if I don’t have a porn star cock, like, then I can’t have the sex life I want.

But I was always very… just into sexuality, and like most teenaged boy, I wanna get girls to like me, so if we are, if we are what we think about the most, I would be a pair of boobs. (Lila & the audience laugh)

So, but I had all this story that I would never go to a sex party: my cock is not big enough and people would laugh and all those things that came across my mind. So I got really dedicated to fitness and became a personal trainer, hoping that would really change my life and, if I’m really fit, people might really like me, and it helped a little bit when I got, you know, kind of master over my own body and able to work with client on that, but it never really changed the internal shame or or insecurity.

So in my late 20s, I was kind of fed up and go, Ugh, […] I really want to try things, but I’m afraid. So I went on one match.com date that really changed my life. I was telling her I’m not sure about monogamy; I’ve been in serial monogamy like, one or two year relationship that kind of end, that I was bored sexually— not necessarily with that person, I just like, crave so much novelty. So she told me there’s such things as sex parties and threesome; I was like no fucking way, this is, this is, (Lila laughs) this is what you see in porn and blahblahblah, and she’s like, “For real!” And we end up starting a relationship and I went to my first sex party actually, in Chicago. […]

So now I want you to imagine, I was like all this 30 years, of of sexual insecurity, I was like, giving myself coaching talk, you know, in the mirror, I was like, You could do this! It’s gonna be okay! And like, you know, I manscape, and I’m like doing all those things— (the crowd laughs)

 

manscape (verb) = a play on the word “landscape,” the act of trimming and / or shaving one’s pubic hair / body hair, particularly around the balls, but also possibly the chest, between the buttocks, etc.

 

— And I go like, like, thinking about people watching me and that like, anxiety really kills like like, you know, sexuality, and I remember, the day of, I had, like, shitloads of paperwork to do for, for a fitness project I was doing, a app I was developing at that time… and I, a friend gave me a Adderall; I’d never taken an Adderall in my life. […] Like at 10 o’clock in the morning I took it, and I was like This is AWESOME (Lila guffaws, the crowd laughs) and I’m like, working working working working, but that was the same night that we were going to the sex party, so I just want to get the work done, so I could chill and go. Little did I know that, you know what one of the side effect of Adderall is. You can’t get your dick hard.

Lila:  Ohhhhhh.

Kenneth:  So here I am at my first sex party, nervous as hell, walking in and my girlfriend go like, “I had this girl really thinks she likes you, that we met, we might have a threesome, like, I would help you navigate,” so I’m like really nervous and really excited to have, like my first threesome as well. And I walked in, and I was like, Okay, this is gonna happen. So I thought I was just anxious, right? Like I wasn’t really feeling aroused, because anxiety kills so much of pleasure… So, finally, both of them like wave me into the bed, and I was like, Okay! This is, this is, this is time. And then I looked down at my penis like, Why is it not working? (crowd laughs, Lila nnn’s sympathetically) It usually work! So, if you guys could see, I took out my little emoji uh uh—

Lila:  Eggplant!

Kenneth:  Eggplant! And I’m like, Eggplant eggplant wake up! What’s wrong with you? And for those of you owns a penis in here, you know when you think about “your dick should get hard,” your dick don’t get hard. (crowd chuckles) So I was like, What’s wrong with me? And I keep thinking, Am I just nervous? Right? And then I was like, okay, let me just chill. I was kind of panicking. And I learned a lot about sexuality at that moment because anxiety, performance anxiety especially, it’s so psychological; I thought something was psychologically off that I could like— ‘cause I was a athlete for, for years, I could learn how to self-talk into motivation.

So I went to the bathroom and start like, slapping around a little bit. And I was having a George Costanza moment it’s like, I look like I just been to a pool for a really long time! Like, wake up! And, it didn’t work, and and it was weird for me, because when you’re by yourself, usually, you can make it happen because you eliminate some of the anxiety, so, so anyway I went back to that threesome, and it was kind of like, bittersweet, they were so nice to me. (Lila laughs) And I was able, like, give oral, oral sex, and not that all sex needs to be penis-focused or anything (knowing now) … but, I was really disappointed and I was like, Oh my God, all my nightmare that I thought about, all my life that when I cockblock myself, here I am, not cockblocking myself, like, going for it. It turned into the worst thing that I could imagine that happened. So I was like, Fuck! You know? But I’m always— my personality’s always been about overcoming stuff, so I’m like, giving myself, like a self-talk. So we walked out of the room, I was like, finally have a drink and chill a little bit.

I was like, Okay, so if this is the worst thing that could ever happen at a sex party, I have paid my dues. Right? It could only get better from here, so I was like, you know, like, I don’t want this experience to like, like, end my future! Because— that was my, my internal talk. So I remember walking in, there was a beautiful woman sitting there, and she’s very voluptuous and beautiful and she has these beautiful breasts, and I didn’t know how to people at sex party, I’m like, “Hi! I’ve never been here before!” […] Feeling really awkward. But at the end I was like, The worse has already happened. So I walked up to her and go, “Wow, your body is really beautiful. I really enjoy, like, looking at you.” And she’s like, “Oh, you like them, do you?” And I go like, (hesitantly) “I do…” and she’s like, “Oh hunny, come here!” and she just pulls my head and just put it between her bosom (Lila laughs, crowd giggles) and at that moment I was like, okay… I was like, What is happening? I, I love this! I am never gonna cockblock myself ever again!

That moment I realized that, you know, if you never develop the courage to ask… we talk ourself out of things so often, that I realized the person who rejected me the most was myself. So in that day, moving forward, I just stopped this habit of like, rejecting myself, because, some of my self-perception about who I am and my sexual worth, and about sexuality, is all off, there’s so much sexual myth out there, and throughout my entire, the last, sort of, 7 years, I’ve been growing and changing and evolving, that I really look back to that moment that I decided, you know, let me make one more decision, that would forward me, to the life that I want, and, was finding people who have the same desire so, that’s how my whole sex party life and career […] got started. From this epic eggplant-slapping episode. So that was story number one.

[16:56]  Kenneth tells a story about a sexual adventure in Hawaii involving Tinder, a dying cell phone, a hidden community, and minimalism. It begins:

Kenneth:  So now, fast-forward 7 years; I do a lot of sensual retreat with my mentor, Pamela Madsen, called Back to the Body, so I’ve been on the road, travelling from Hawaii to Tuscany to just different places. And it’s been amazing on this journey. I love having Tinder dates when I’m out there, because, the practice that we offer is one-way touch, so a lot of our sexual energy is giving one-way that way […] so I’m around arousal, but I have to manage mine. So it’s really actually important for me to have dates and adventure at those trips.

[17:35]  Hawaii is a much smaller mating market than New York…

[19:07]  They have community in common…

[19:53]  Arriving at her community…

[21:22]  How did she live?

[21:46]  Did they play?

[22:03]  What lesson did Kenneth learn?

[23:48]  Story #3 is a love letter that Kenneth was having trouble finding on his phone! So we took a little break, told some other stories, and came back to it.

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[24:28]  Lila reads a love letter (a kink letter?) Kenneth received from a woman he played with at his birthday party in 2017.

[25:13]  The letter:

I have no words. Thank you isn’t enough. Songs barely capture it, and I’ve been singing all morning. The facts are clear: you made me touch my clit in front of that whole room, while throat-fucking me. You made me wait to orgasm. You counted down from 20, and I was quivering— so happy, so alive, so embarrassed. I came three times with your cock in my mouth. You called your friend over and talked about something, ignoring me, while I kept squirming. You asked to play with me; you asked permission and I gave it. Something in your eyes said you would follow through. The air was hot and thick. I was watching your girlfriend in a cage. She was sucking a curvy brunette’s toe. I could not look away. Then I was on a mattress and your mouth was on my thighs, pussy, clit. You told me I was pretty, and a good slut. And I lost it. I could feel the people, the eyes, hear the moans, make out the blur of gorgeous bodies. Heat spreading. Wanting to cum, and cum for you, and all the men lurking. Then you put your fingers inside me and I squirted— Christ! I don’t know how many times it happened! Your wrist was drenched. You tied me to a chair— a throne in the middle of the room. I was bent over and spread, my glistening pussy exposed. You pulled out the nylon rope and I whimpered— I almost cried from excitement, fear. My thighs were quivering. You thanked me, then you traced your fingers up my thighs, my lower back, told me I was a good girl, and you would be back. I waited, staring at the chair. Spread so wide, feeling all the glorious space and eyes on me. I was burning up in shame, and joy. My breath came heavy and hot. I shook my head from side to side, giggling, shaking, my shoulders ached. My pussy flowed. Waiting. Then, I heard you. I peeked over my shoulder at the crowd, at the toys, tools. I want to see them, but can’t quite look at them. It begins. A crop, I think? You explain the rules, and I fall into your hands. There’s something with leather, pretty and purple, it has tails and fringe. I’m too ashamed to look at it. If you catch me; if the crowd sees me yearning for it, I can’t bear it. This is what I have always wanted. This is what I’ve always been afraid of. Look right through me, and see the inner slut. The cock-craving whore. I’m mewling, and trembling, my insides melty. You spank me, flog me, brush my back, and I am crying, I am yelling, I am wailing “Thank you Sir!” You tell me to stay here, to not check out. To feel it all. To stay in my subspace. This is subspace? Wow. I am truly enough. I am nothing. I am yours. I am a slut. I am dirty mucky shiny joy. There are no words, I sob. You have cracked me open. Everything I was afraid of, everything I’ve dreamed. I am so full, and then you fuck me. I cum and cum and cum and cry. I was so scared. I am so happy. My knees cave, and you tell me to kneel, and rest. You untie me and ask if I’d like aftercare. I would. You get me water. We cuddle and watch your girlfriend get fucked doggy style a foot from my head. Her ass is fucking gorgeous. A couple above me looks down at me. She tells me, “That was beautiful.” I nod, and cry happy tears. Thank you, Sir. I will never forget this.

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69. average-sized penis: quickie with The Sex Hacker

This episode is a little different than the others. It’s a quickie. If you’ve been listening to horizontal, you know that: at the end of every conversation with a guest, I ask them to tell me a story. Each full conversation is between two and three hours long.