Vertical Anya, tied and shot by Marceline_VQ
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Jackie: I’m not a person who gets a ton of sexual pleasure out of— pain, it’s more that I— feel a constant need to push my limits and see how much I can take, and prove that I can take more … and, I, it’s like a constantly turning inferiority complex. I just want to see how much I can do, how much I can take … and how much I can take for other people.
Lila: In order to prove how resilient you are?
Jackie: And how much I can take for myself, yes. To prove something to myself or to other people. Or just to see what I can do. It’s very— it can be acrobatic for me, it can be … and I do enjoy it, and it is sexy for me, it’s— I feel like there are a lot of different types of masochism, and I have friends whose wires are made so that pain translates to pleasure in their body. I am not like that. I don’t have that type of thing. But I do want to do difficult, painful things. And take those kind of risks.
Lila: I wonder … Do you want to do difficult, painful things, and push the limit of how much you can take, continuously, because that is when you pay the most attention?
*
Jackie: I went to all these events, classes… we had been experimenting with rope with each other — a mutual interest — and so I just dove into that and started with, you know, also, all kinds of things. I’ve done wax play, I’ve done spanking impact, I’ve— my first suspension was actually a hook suspension—
Lila: —And suspension is when you are literally held, you are bodily held up in the air by some sort of apparatus—
Jackie: That’s right, so with rope suspension, it would be you’re tied up in the air, and my first suspension was a hook suspension, where they put—
Lila: —hooks in you?
Jackie: Hooks, in your skin, and lift you up by that.
Lila: Ahhhhh!
Jackie: Outside of the kink scene. It was part of— working with a sideshow company in Philadelphia, so I didn’t, I didn’t make the connection then, though I understand the connection now.
wax play (noun) = the process of using warm or hot wax, dripped upon the body, to produce erotic sensation through temperature
hook suspension (noun) = raising a human body into the air / holding a body up by hooks placed through piercings.
Anya, tied and photographed by Sluttyhands
In this episode of horizontal, I lie down with Jackie, aka Anya or, Anyalita.
Anya is a Shibari aficionado — a rope artist. You can follow her adventures in surrender on theropediary.tumblr.com and on Instagram as Anyalita. On The Rope Diary, she introduces herself as “a rope and bondage enthusiast, a sadomasochist, a sensualist, and a switch.”
She is also a sex tools educator who works at Babeland, a queer-owned, lady-friendly sex toy shop. I have great love in my heart for Babeland, as it was the first sex shop I ever felt comfortable in.
When we recorded, she had a cold, so she sounds rather snuffly. But I don’t think you’ll mind.
In the first part of our episode, titled “pet yourself: horizontal with a sensualist,” we talk about happy parents, unhappy parents, depression, self-soothing, and a first kiss with a kitchen boy.
In this second part of the episode, we talk about late-blooming orgasms, sex on birthright Israel, long distance kink, falling in love with rope, and working at a sex toy shop.
Links to Things:
theropediary.tumblr.com, Anya’s blog
instagram.com/anyalita, Anya’s just-the-photos
Babeland, the finest sex tool store in all the land
Fet Life, Facebook for kinky people
Show Notes (feel free to share quotes/resources on social media, and please link to iTunes, this website, or my Patreon!):
iTunes link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/horizontal-with-lila/id1238031115&ls=1
website link: https://horizontalwithlila.com/
Patreon link: https://www.patreon.com/horizontalwithlila
[3:07] Deciding to “get rid of” our virginities.
[6:07]
Jackie: I could count on one hand how many time I came during my first two and a half year relationship.
Lila: And that’s including masturbating?
Jackie: No, no, not including masturbating, but for me, they’re on a different level. I can masturbate myself to a 3; someone else can get me off to a 9, or an 8, or a 7. You know? But—
Lila: What does it feel like— how is the sensation different? Or the—
Jackie: It’s much more intense. A much greater sense of build and release. It’s much more full-bodied. It feels better. When I do it myself, it’s almost like maintenance.
Lila: Yeah.
Jackie: It’s fun to do, and I enjoy reading smut and watching porn and doing those things. I do it sometimes when I’m bored or when I’m incredibly horny, but it— it’s a very different thing. And if I could just always have someone else do it, I would.
Lila: But is that partly because you might not be taking the time that you would take with a lover, with yourself when you’re just with yourself? That you’re treating it like maintenance, therefore it feels like maintenance?
[7:43] How Jackie got into the kink scene?
[8:05] The first sexual thing Jackie ever did with someone else.
[8:22] Jackie and Lila geek out over the movie Secretary. (A movie that many kinksters use as a shorthand on dating sites, in order to let others know that they are into BDSM without explicitly saying so.)
[8:38] How did Jackie feel about meeting a lover on Birthright Israel?
[9:13] Long-distance kink.
[9:49] Fet Life, Facebook for kinky people.
[10:22] Jackie’s first kink suspension.
[11:16] Is Jackie a masochist?
[13:32] Jackie describes the ways that shibari appeals to her.
shibari (noun) = the art of Japanese rope bondage
[14:14] What are the basic elements of a rope suspension scene?
[15:10]
Jackie: The last suspension I did— first they put a … line around my chest, to hold me up.
Lila: Underneath your breasts?
Jackie: (giggles) No, above. Usually there’s a whole structure but again, this is a person who is the most challenging person that I tie with so, he just put one line there to hold me up, so that when I was standing I wouldn’t fall over and then— oh wait! My arms, were put behind my back and tied in a straight line, clasped behind my back like strappado style—
Lila: What does that mean?
Jackie: It means that um, they are in a straight line, connected, and that your forearms are tied together behind your back.
Lila: Okay.
Jackie: But straight, not folded. Straight out. And that was put up and attached to a branch he had found, so we were tying off of a large branch that he had hung up. And then my leg was put … in a really painful, tight tie around my calf, because that’s a really good way to hurt people, because the bone there is very—
Lila: The shinbone is so–
Jackie: Yeah, the shinbone is really easy to hurt, so, by tying something around there and including the toes, that’s like a really nasty thing to do to somebody. (laughs delightedly)
Lila: So, how are you feeling, before the tie, before the first tie, how were you feeling?
Jackie: I was anxious, but in a fun way, like anticipation, because I knew he was going to do something horrible to me, but I didn’t know what.
Lila: And then, as the tie went around your wrists?
Jackie: As it progressed, I was focused very much like, “Ugh, can I take this? Yes I can. Ugh, a little lower, like can you lower that, and then I just wonder what he’s gonna do and he does something horrible to my leg and I’m like “Ohhh! my god, that hurts so much!”
Lila: But you don’t verbally say anything.
Jackie: I’m a noise-maker. I make some noises. And, and, if it’s bad, I’ll inform the top that I am going to kill them. Depending on what kind of relationship you have with them, with this person, I’m very silly, so I’ll be like, “Rrr! I’ll kill you I’ll kill you, I hate you, you’re a bad man, I’m gonna kill you.”
Lila: As part of your play—
Jackie: Yeah, and it’s part of it and he’s like, “Aw, that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
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