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horizontal with lila

14 Rooms: an intimate, immersive Valentine’s experience

in events on 22/01/19

Image by Valerie Zimmer Photography


horizontal with lila presents…

14 Rooms

[an intimate immersive Valentine’s experience]

When:  Thursday, February 14th, 2019. 8pm – midnight

Where:  sumptuous location revealed upon ticket purchase, dahling

How: $50 in advance, $75 day of

With whom: Come with others or come alone. These experiences are for everyone.

Take my money: TICKETS HERE

 

A townhouse full of delights for all the senses:

4-handed massages

live erotica readings

the best hot cocoa you’ve ever tasted

sensual performances

sweet smells from the oven

a hot tub

and a giant teddy bear named Tiny.

 

And that’s not even what’s in the 14 rooms…

Each room unlocks a secret: an intimate, sensual, immersive experience.

Your ticket comes with 5 tokens, which you can exchange for delights / experiences. Choose how to spend them — on treats, on libations, on a rendezvous or two.

If you wish to collect more experiences (there are 14 rooms of delight, after all!) you may purchase more tokens for $5 each, cash, from someone very prettily dressed.

1 token for a treat, 2 tokens for a rendezvous.

 

Things that are important to know:

  • Dress code: Anything that makes you feel FOXY.
  • This event is for people not in relationships + people in relationships + people in situationships + people who frankly don’t give a damn + everyone, Everyone. Let’s celebrate sensuality and loveliness all together!
  • No alcohol, ***no phones. Check your phone with your coat. Immerse yourself.

*** There will be a single area of well-lit fabulosity, near the coat check, for your photographic pleasure.

 

FAQs, dahlings:

Are there ID or minimum age requirements to enter the event?

You must be 21 to enter. This is an event for adults.

What are my transportation/parking options for getting to and from the event?

The Myrtle/Broadway JMZ is the closest subway. There is some street parking, if you need to drive.

What can I bring into the event?

Your playful spirit, curious nature, respectful titillation, and really fabulous outfits.

How can I contact the organizer with any questions?

Here: horizontalwithlila@gmail.com

What’s the refund policy?

No refunds, love! Your contribution is a fundraiser donation towards making a sizzle reel (a promo pitch) for a horizontal TV show!

Will you be serving dinner?

We will not! Please do your adulting and eat before you arrive. But leave room for dessert…..

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« 64. I love to hug people I’m a hugger: horizontal with a well-adjusted human
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Lila Donnolo

Lila Donnolo is an Intimacy Specialist. Tell Me More…

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horizontalwithlila

Actress. Writer. Podcaster. Lover. Intimacy Specialist … 70+ exclusive podcast episodes for you on Patreon!

Lila
I take a portrait every time I go to the chiroprac I take a portrait every time I go to the chiropractor. 

(You mean to say you, yourself, do not go to the chiropractor like this?)

1. This past week: exhausted, in between grief attacks

2. When they kicked mom out of her assisted living

3. While Mom was in Hospice care (those are my pajamas)

4. After Dad’s funeral, wearing my mourning armband

5. No makeup — couldn’t be arsed

6. The day after Dad died

7. Valentine’s Day, before everything — before @synchlayer died, before Dad dropped dead, before Mom died, before @ralphdelarosa died

Y’all.
I am so. Tired.
Dear Ones, I had no choice in what happened with Dear Ones,

I had no choice in what happened with my father after he died. 
I wasn’t consulted about anything except my schedule. 

Even though I am next of kin. Even though I am his only daughter. Even though I am his only child.

With my mother, I had all the choices. 

Years ago, she told me she wished to be cremated. She was not willing to discuss anything else, not about illness, infirmity, or death, though I tried, many, many times over the years to broach these end-of-life conversations. But my mother was a stubborn ol’ gal and when she planted her feet there was no moving her.

Which leads me to Saturday. The celebration of her life, the ceremony, was for me, in her honor. In her honor, but for me. Given all the choices, I chose color, flower patterns, gifts, community, a ritual with roses, art-making, rainbow snacks, and joy. 

Joy with a side of grief. Joy in-the-face-of. Joy.

I’ll probably share more photos from the celebration (as well as the Brazilian song I sang, accompanied by my old friend Nate Najar, one of the great young jazz guitarists) in another missive, but I wanted to give you my eulogy — 

✨ in case you wished to be there but couldn’t 

✨ in case you knew my mother and care to learn things about her you never knew

✨ in case you need to give one

✨ in case you want to witness it done differently

✨ in case your heart aches for me

I told the truth to the best of my ability. Whenever I write, whenever I do any kind of public speaking, I always ask myself: 
Is this true? Could it be more true?

This was the truest true I could get to. 

I hope it means something to you, and if it means something to you, I hope you’ll let me know — in some way.

Big Love,
Lila

P.S. Click the #substacknewsletter link in my bio to read / listen to / watch my eulogy. Thank you. ❤️‍🩹
Singing in her first language, Portuguese, at my m Singing in her first language, Portuguese, at my mother’s funeral, on May 17th, 2025. The song is “Carinhoso,” which means affectionate… if ‘affectionate’ were an altogether lovelier word.

Perhaps carinhoso is more akin to the word ‘tender.’ So, I sang tender, at my mother’s celebration of life.

I was accompanied by one of the great young jazz guitarists, Mr. @natenajar … who happens to be my friend from high-school-time, and who also reminded me that, back in the day, he received a few Portuguese lessons from my mother. 

I had forgotten that. A gift, all around.

I gave the eulogy beforehand. You can watch, listen to, or read it on my Substack through the link in my bio. Titled “eulogy for a mother, mine.” 

Thank you for witnessing. 

#mourning #celebrationoflife #nomothersday #funeral
My mother’s celebration of life was held on Satu My mother’s celebration of life was held on Saturday, May 17th, 2025. No one was to wear black. Everyone was to wear florals, and I, wore too much blush, in her honor.

The invitation read:

FROM LILA:

My mom, Sula Donnolo, died peacefully on Friday afternoon, May 9th, 2025. Her favorite place was the Unitarian Universalist Church of St. Petersburg.

We will gather at her favorite place at 1 pm for a brief service (1 hour long) & a reception with snacks afterwards.

Mom abhorred the color black and adored bright colors - please wear floral patterns (or tropical patterns) & bright colors in her honor.

LILA REQUESTS...

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE FLOWERS:

Lila asks that, in lieu of flowers, you send any monetary love offerings you’d like to give, to her fund for a Community Happiness Project on their property in Gulfport.

PayPal or cash (or you can find another way). PayPal link: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/horizontalwithlila

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO OFFER CONDOLENCES:

Lila is feeling deeply exhausted, after the death of her friend in March, her father in April, and her mother in May. 

Please SIGN THE GUEST BOOK provided at the reception, or write her an email with your condolences at suladonnoloflorida@gmail.com 

Please do not approach her to say you are sorry for her loss. 

She invites you to approach her with silent hugs.

***

So much gratitude for so many:

Mel for keeping me alive last week.

Deniz for keeping me alive this week. And the logistics.

Zachary for the beautiful photos.

Nate Najar for playing “Carinhoso” so I could sing it.

Rev Ben for hosting the service.

Rev Dee & Ruth & Jeanay for speaking.

Kristi Ann for the signs.

William for finding us everything we needed.

Meghan & Joseph & Hospice Nurses Vi & Susan for the grief books.

Everyone who made a bit of art for my guest book.

All who contributed to the fund for a Community Happiness Project on our property.

This is community.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Dear One, I hope this makes you laugh as much as Dear One,

I hope this makes you laugh as much as it made me laugh. 

Laughter in the midst of grief is so good. As good as tears. Different sides of the same emotional release.

My dear friend & brilliant psychiatrist-writer, writer-psychiatrist Dr. Owen Muir, called to check in on me. We joked about my plan to write a scathing critique of this looks-so-nice-from-the-outside, for-profit Assisted Living facility my mom had been living in for a year. (This is not a joke.) 

Owen suggested I write a scathing critique of everything, and then used the phrase “the terrible consumer experience that is death.” 

He said I should write it. I said he should write it. 

So he called me and we recorded it. Together.
Because this is what we do. 

Big Love,
Lila

To listen to the 7 minute recording, tap the Substack link in my bio, or type this link into your browser: horizontalwithlila.substack.com
My new friend @latonya.sunshine78 , a visual artis My new friend @latonya.sunshine78 , a visual artist and educator whose work I *deeply* admire, gave an Artist’s Talk on Friday at the conclusion of her @floridarama.art exhibition, and I got the chance to see it, and hear her speak passionately, eloquently, humorously, lovingly, about her art and the process of making these large-scale mixed media collage works that, for lack of a better art-world term, I personally think of as Very Mixed Media.

If you swipe through to the last slide, you will see the very first time I caught glimpse of her work, long before I know who the artist was, weeks before the exhibition opening, when it had likely just been hung up, and I brought @mrghyseye to experience the immersive exhibit at FloridaRAMA and we both fell in love with the respective pieces behind us. We thought we matched the pieces so well, in both vibe & style, that we had best selfie with them!

And since I follow FloridaRAMA so closely here on IG, when I saw that the official exhibition opening was happening, I made it my business to get there, on my @radpowerbikes @stpeteradpowerbikes ebike, in my ball gown skirt. I brought two Toastmasters friends, Lena & Steve, along.

You can see from the second photo that I was so moved by Latonya’s work and beautiful energy, that I spontaneously Kissed Her Hands (!!!) Later I was a tid bit embarrassed, like ‘really Lila? She does not know you!’

But she does now. And I can tell you that Latonya is a source of unending inspiration, just by being who she is, and working the way she works.

I was deeply moved by the way she weaves objects, and memory, into a visual tapestry, and the way she listens to the objects until they Tell her how they want to be incorporated, so moved, in fact, that I brought her something back from my father’s funeral, and from his dilapidated house. I will be honored if those memories make their way into a tapestry of hers.

Recently I heard this quote. (Do you know who said it?) 

“Use your suffering. Don’t waste it.

I promise I will use it. I promise not to waste it. It will make its way into all of my art, of every medium. And maybe, it will make its way into the art of others, as well.

❤️‍🩹
I’m recovering from a speech heartbreak. I gave I’m recovering from a speech heartbreak. I gave the most beautiful speech of my life last week. It was about my parents, my father’s sudden death, my love, the love of my life. And it is gone because I forgot to turn on my microphone! 

It’s not completely gone. I did find an app transcription service that can read lips. So I have the transcript, but I am devastated to not have the video as I thought it was going to be something I would send to the @ted curators to follow up on my finalist win in 2021. I was going to send it to X, Y, Z… ( And @imranamed )

And the ephemerality of this is really with me. Sometimes creativity, even visionary creativity is a mandala. 

If you’ve ever seen the monks with the sand, pouring a mandala, they put such meticulous precision, such effort, such focus into it. And when they are finished, they gaze upon it… and they sweep it away. Somebody said that my speech last week was a mandala, and I was like, “Yes! I know!” 

Many people have said, “If you can do it once, you can do it again. And I know that this is true. 

As a person who has been creative my entire life, I know that this is true.

{To WATCH the whole speech or READ the full transcript, go to: 

horizontalwithlila dot substack dot com

Or click the link in my bio, bb}

And then go out and make some art.
“Fashion” I think I’m gonna need to add a B “Fashion”

I think I’m gonna need to add a Bowie album or two to my burgeoning collection… 

Which ones are your favorite? Let a girl know in the comments.

Art by @mollymcclureart 
Leggings by @l.o.m_design 
Vampira lipstick by @thekatvond 
Sneaks by @adidas 
Photo by @samia.mounts
Here’s how it starts: Dear Young Man I Dated in Here’s how it starts:

Dear Young Man I Dated in 2016,

I have something very important to say to you, and it isn’t ‘I told you so.’

It is this:

Politics are about people and the planet.

Every single political issue is about people, or the planet. 

Politics do not equal some ideological, intangible thing. “Politics” are real things with real consequences to real people. Probably people that you know. Probably people that you love.

When you say, “I’m not political,” what I hear is, “I do not actually care about people other than (a handful of) the ones I know personally.”

To read the whole letter, tap my Substack link in bio.
Brought my mom to @floridarama.art for the first t Brought my mom to @floridarama.art for the first time so she could experience something different than the view from her couch, and she “didn’t like it”? It was “esquisito”?

#okboomer 

BeforeI went up to NY for the funeral, I did wind up telling her that my father died. I was worried she would be devastated and she would develop what they call “increased mental state,” but that wasn’t the case. Mostly she was just sad for me. 

I’m not sure if she now remembers that it happened.

To be honest, sometimes I don’t exactly remember that it happened. I have his wedding ring and his glasses and the prayer card on my nightstand but still it’s sometimes unreal.

I don’t want to bring it up all the time, but I do like having physical reminders. 

And though I don’t want to wear all black all the time for months on end to show that I’m in mourning, it feels good to put on my morning armband… even, and maybe especially, because it’s just a little bit too tight. So I really know it’s there.

Because the grief is always there even when I’ve forgotten about it.

So is joy.

Hold your people close and tell them, 
if you love them, 
tell them.

#mourning #arttherapy #floridarama
A poem of grief and wonder-ing that I wrote years A poem of grief and wonder-ing that I wrote years ago, and could have written yesterday.

You can read the whole piece on my Substack (with proper syntax). 

Substack is where I put my tenderest thoughts and deepest writing. If you want to, you can become my patron there. This would move me very much.

Link in my bio.

#grief #griefislove
Went to my father’s funeral, but couldn’t wear Went to my father’s funeral, but couldn’t wear black *all* weekend.

Dreamy roses are red @selkie tournure skirt giving me life. Fascinator by @babeyond_official
Are you a member of the Dead Dads Club? Only two Are you a member of the Dead Dads Club?

Only two criteria for membership!

Any Dad will do. Stepdads, Granddads, Poor Dads, Rich Dads, Fun Dads, Un-Dads.

But for real.

I thought for sure my Mom would go first. I mean, I moved to Florida because she has dementia and she is dying.

“Plot twist,” somebody said.

That’s funny.

I actually mean that. I’m just too tired to laugh today. It takes too many muscles.

My mom is in an assisted living facility, on Hospice Care, can no longer stand up from a seated position on her own, and is worried about the stuffed cats we gave her possibly being dead because they ‘have a soul and they used to meow and now they stopped.’

The staff has been putting down food and water for them and every time I drop by the stuffed cats — and the food — are in a different place in the apartment. So that’s good. They’re still alive, you know. And the facility is still keeping her. Alive, you know. And putting down real food for her stuffed cats.

“What’s the harm?” they said. 

No harm, I say. She wasn’t going to eat that, anyway.

To read the entire essay, to subscribe, or to become s paid subscriber and be part of my art, follow the Substack link in my bio 

horizontalwithlila dot substack dot com

#deaddadsclub #deaddad #grieving #sickmom
Try not to forget, okay? Belt @l.o.m_design Bow Try not to forget, okay?

Belt @l.o.m_design 
Bow @riskgalleryboutique 
Earrings @artpoolgallery 
Top @forloveandlemons 
Photo @samia.mounts 
Art @verticalventures
I never wanted a child. So the universe gave me I never wanted a child. 

So the universe gave me an 84 year-old one. 

We are the playthings of the gods.

I have cleaned up her urine. I have cleaned up her shit. I have changed her soiled diaper. I have used a q-tip to put medicine in tender places that I never wished to see, because there was no one else to do it.

What’s that they call it in the Bible? Smiting? God smote him? Smited him? Smit him? In my bitterer moments, it does feel as though I’ve been smote. In my better moments, it’s simply the part of my story where Timon & Pumbaa sing the “CIRRRRCLE of LIIIIIIFE.”

{You can read the rest of the essay on my Substack. Link in my bio. Thank you for being a witness.}
I’ve just learned that today is International Me I’ve just learned that today is International Mermaid Day!

Thanks @jujubumble 

📸 @wildartistryphotography 
💄 @mrghyseye 
✨ Me
📖 Gift from @kristianndances 

#internationalmermaidday
My Mom is dying. Fasc!sm is on the rise. A small g My Mom is dying. Fasc!sm is on the rise. A small group of evil corporate overlords is trying to Handmaid’s Tale us. My brilliant, funny friend @synchlayer died of bladder cancer at age 49.

I’m out here buying pretty things on the internet. 

I have no regerts.

This will be an essay mostly in photos. I am very, very tired. 

February was: 

setting up temporary-house in FL

gathering 95% of my possessions from 4 places in NY (thanks Kenneth, Deniz, Marghe, Owen!) and two places in Los Angeles (Thanks Adam M. & Samia!) 

driving a 12-foot box truck from NY to Baltimore to Savannah to FL (mostly with Jon! thanks Jon!)

shortly thereafter, flying to L.A. and, while packing up, the remaining 17% of my possessions, managing to see as many people I love as humanly possible (for someone who is slightly manic and rather time-optimistic) — which is, honestly, rather a lot of people, if I do pat myself on the back… myself— and then rushing back to St. Pete (thank you friend for flying me home; you know who you are) because mom went into the hospital again…

FOR THE REST OF THE ESSAY, TAP THE SUBSTACK LINK IN MY BIO, bb. 💋 💋
Proud to Protest today.
Falling more in 🩷🧡💛🩵💙 with St. Pete!

Happy International Women’s Day. 

May each of us born to a woman, 
raised by a woman, 
nurtured by a woman, &
 f*cked by a woman 

CHOOSE to SHOW WOMEN the RESPECT and CARE that we deserve.

#internationalwomensday2025 #stpete #resist
“What a year January has been. 

My dear friend’s sister died by su!c!de. My dear friend lost his home in Altadena and had to evacuate the fire with his family, including his 92 year-old grandmother. My dear friend is dying of cancer in New York. (In his 40s.) The br*ligarchy rears, fasc!sm festers, and every tr@ns person, woman, and human with even mildly uncertain imm!gration status in the United States is, rightly, terrified. 

Here in Florida, my mom fell on her face right in front of me at church last week, on the threshold of the ladies room (busting her upper lip) and had to go to the E.R. where her CAT scan and her hand xrays came back negative but it turns out she has…..”

You can read the whole piece on my Substack- link in my bio!
In March, 2019, my friend @stevenmdean (remember h In March, 2019, my friend @stevenmdean (remember him from horizontal with lila episodes 82. 200 dating profiles, & 83. you do not have voting rights in this startup relationship?) teamed up with an experience designer to create an event they dubbed The Love Immersive, a “10-hour exploratorium-style foray into the 5 love languages.”

In Steve’s words: 

“I teamed up to architect a choose-your-own-adventure interactive journey through the languages of love. 
Spanning every floor of a sprawling 6-story arthouse in the heart of New York City, and co-produced by the creative arts group Moontribe, Love Immersive attracted over 450 attendees who came to explore love through the nuanced dimensions of touch, words, service, quality time, gifts, and more. 

We invited over 50 volunteers and practitioners of different love languages to showcase their creative capabilities in an evening of self-discovery, secret missions, hidden rooms, wandering wizards, art installations, and live music.“

I was one of the 50. 
They gave me a closet. 
A closet.
This is not lost on me.

That was all the space they had left, apparently. And I was determined to make good use of it. I turned it into a cozy nesting pod with blankets and pillows and two sets of listening devices, and I recorded this 11-minute meditation for anyone who stopped in, so that they could take a break from the glorious menagerie for a few minutes. And reset.

In the closet.

#immersiveexperience 

LISTEN ON SUBSTACK! Link in my bio!
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